Cultures: Hmong

            Yesterday I read, a little, about Hmong culture. I knew nothing about this Asian group of people and I´m glad I had the chance to compared it to my own local experiences in Venezuela and I also pondered with another social group I´ve briefly experienced for nearly 3 months, in the jungle: Pemon people.

I´m not an anthropologist, but I like to compare cultures to those I have read on the Bible and I´m sure you would enjoy traveling its pages when you see Hmong people have clans like Jews and some of their traditions look like Jewish liked to live.

Regarding emotional detachments, I also liked this part I read: “At some point during the wedding, an elder would come ask the bride if she has any old gift(s) from past boyfriend(s). If she does, she must give them those gifts and they will return the gifts to her past boyfriend(s). ” 

I smiled at this! :)  Have you left certain things really passed and left? Have any of you kept things you don´t want to leave totally out, in the past?

I´m glad older cultures knew it!

You cannot walk a new life looking at things back, same way Lot´s wife tried to do.

I´m OK if you keep those lessons life gave you to get more wisdom and to avoid more hurting experiences in your life but, are any of these holding you back to those emotional bonds you would let somebody feel down?

It´s obvious your past belongs to you! But, if you and I keep on living in the past, you wouldn´t be enjoying your present and, perhaps, you could let another feelings down.

Recently I learned there were several things I needed to get rid off. Some pictures can be gotten off with some feelings and I also prayed to be set free from unnecessary emotional bondage, because some of these were hindering my way to be united to someone God would send for me (to be mingled and utterly melted in marriage).

Hmong culture knew it!: “There is a saying that if a bride does not give her past boyfriends' gifts back, if he still really loves her and dies early, he'll come haunt her babies, which will make her babies cry a lot.”

Do you want your children to cry?

Do you want your loved ones to suffer, within a new promissory relationship?

Do you want to be left behind by present and its possible reality?

It might sound like a myth, but emotionally the ghosts of your past can hurt you, your future groom or bride, and your children. Hmong people knew it somehow: “The bride's maid's job is to make sure the bride does not run off with a man as, historically, many girls were forced to marry and would flee with their boyfriends.”

If you have enjoyed reading the Bible, you may cheer at those things I have cheered: How come these distant cultures have too many things in common? Humans are the “same” everywhere, I may say.

Benjaminites were not allowed to marry girls from their tribes... They were in trouble to be married (Jdg 21:7) and the same “love” story is widely spread on earth (Jdg 21:16, 18-23).

If you read about marriage and their culture, you might laugh at this: “Deu_25:5  When brothers live together and one of them dies without having a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband's brother must marry her and sleep with her. He must do his duty as her brother-in-law.”

Hmong people seemed to be doing the same! (Traditionally, when a boy wants to marry a girl, he will make his intentions clear, and will "zij" ("snatch") her during day light or night at any opportunity that is appropriate. This is traditionally only a symbolic kidnapping. ). Just compared it to that in Jdg 21:16, 18-23.

These people are allowed to be exogamous their own clan but, when some of them died, they played that caring role Jewish did. (When a husband dies, it is his clan's responsibility to look after the widow and children. The widow is permitted to remarry, in which case she would have two choices: she may marry one of her husband's younger brothers/ younger cousins (never to the older brothers) or she can marry anyone from an outside clan (besides her own)).

Hmm!

Hope this tiny-culture journey serve to know we all need the same.

A. T.

There´re birds feeling blue.

Wow!

Mom´s greeted me: “Father´s day”... Quickly I missed mine, my uncle and my children (Hope I could see them tomorrow).

Before this, I was concerned about my mother´s cages. She has several and, recently, she set apart her lovebirds away from the one I like: The blue one.

He came to my mother´s when my brother found him having felt off from its nest. He gave it to our mother and she put him into the cage where she has those lovebirds she is used to care of since I was a child (of course, old one are dead).

Several times my mother has asked me to pull them out their cage, just to teach them how to fly, just to help them find the birds they are, and I have liked such releasing ideas: All birds are to be free!

I´m considering the idea of having the blue one in my home land. I don´t know if it´s male or female, though I think he´s (she) missing part of his live inside a cage.

My brother, the one who rescued it, is unconcerned though he buys him their bananas, as well as he throws leftover onto “Pedroso”, my sister´s dog: My mother tends to take care on the things other´s thrown away (like me). Ha! Ha! Ha!

Why a blue bird is feeling blue?

As far as I have watched him, he missed his parents. These were used to visit him those days when he felt off and those were around the cage he shared with those lovebirds who looked at him as an intruder (a blue bird never looked like Aussie people).

The blue birds has become “my” favorite since he sings a lot, dearly, and I have enjoyed him inside my hands, just to teach him I´m not the cat who wants him to be eaten, instead, I want him to be inserted inside his own folk, away from the cats around this dead-end street where my mother lives, because I want him to live to the fullest, whether it be a female or a male bird.

He is sad because, by now, mom´s moved the Australian birds to another cage. She wanted “him” to jump and enjoy that cage alongside, but I know he feels sad because he is not any longer singing as he was used each morning and any time (If you don´t show your joy, if you seldom sing the way you used, probably you are depressed, feeling alone, and I believe this blue bird I´ve liked deserves the life nature God has provided for all).

Too many birds are blue! I have seen them mute, isolated, rejected, ignored and -apparently- unnoticed. I just wondered how many times “a bird” could be sad and blue, seen and unnoticed. I know there´s a purpose for all and everything but, this time, I see that physical isolation is another issue, it doesn´t matter you be isolated inside the very same cage: a bird is feeling blue.

A.T.

How does your mind works?

Coincidentally with something I recently wrote, I clicked on the trailer of another romantic movie I will not watch.

The 1^st thing I felt it was disgusting. I´m used that “Bella” was made for Edward Cullen and I surely thought that that unending love story would never be different... I´m talking about twilight. (Yes! I´m somewhat romantic).

How come I came to post this? I´ve seen some men apparently need to be detached (and I think I´m used too).

If you are like me, just watch part of the trailer. What do you feel?

The 1^st thing I felt it was disgusting. I said, to myself: “How come? Wasn´t it thought to be forever?”

Yes! I´m used to think it that way (and I´m not the only one who sees it so).

Part of me felt insulted. I could admit I liked “Bella”. I admit she needs someone better than me, so I gave Edward “my approval” though I would fight to get her (if I had the chance) and well aware of that I´m handicapped by a dozen of reasons. Ha! Ha! Ha! (I´m not too fictional! I have liked “Bella”, but I don´t like her anymore).

How does your mind works?

Don´t you feel an emotional rejections to things like that?

If you have wanted to be the new BF “Bella” has in that movie, I will not say what´s wrong.

If you have been “Edward Cullen”, I will not give my inputs.

My concern, in here, is helping you to see things detached: Have you loved “Bella” watching or reading that novel?

I liked her! But I didn´t love her when I saw she liked another.

After the 1^st movie / novel I was “OK” she loved another rather than me. Do you understand what I´m saying?

But, after watching that trailer of a SECULAR SAGA I don´t think fits my beliefs, something went wrong when I “saw” Edward Cullen somewhat leaving her and -as a real life experience- I saw something weird in “Bella´s” personal life.

I know you don´t like reading, so I will leave another link to ease that trip. Double click, please!

The 1st time I knew I “loved” someone in a movie I think it was Brooke Shields. When I saw she over-kissed Richard Atkins (or whomever he was) and did several things I thought I deserved, she broke my heart (that´s why I don´t girls/women above 5´5”) Ha! Ha! Ha! All of them deserve the same! Ha! Ha!

I´m serious about brokenhearted people. I feel sad when they are sad and -now- I´m lightly sad for me, I´m missing those texts messages I was getting used to receive, her phone calls and visits, her hugs and all those things I started to receive and get when I cared for someone who went her way, who chases her dreams, and she is is complete FREE to do what she does.

Will you think the same about “Bella” and Edward Cullen´s?

The “true” story behind a movie like that: If They were married, they could end up divorced.

( http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20614722,00.html )

( http://www.people.com/people/kristen_stewart/biography/0,,20241359_10,00.html )

Here´s the tip for someone who needs to overcome his (her) love grievance: If you want to be detached, know the background from those you need to be uprooted.

I never planned to read that novel. I watched one movie to know why so many people were reading that bulky book and, of course, I read about Meyer´s background and, knowing she was married, I had my ideas... Not to be shared!

When I saw Bella´s 2nd boyfriend, I knew she was working semi-automatically under a BBD appeal.

Let´s agreed on: Jacob seems to be handsome, stronger, Etc., but what about you? You felt left, despised, hurt, just for another she / he picked and chose.... Didn´t you?

That´s a BBD and they are free (you too!).

It isn´t a matter of what you marveled with dear thoughts, not what you´ve planned or dreamed about that person you loved, you cared or wanted to be married: She (he) left!

And that´s ALL what counts to be detached.

Live one day after another.

Forgive them, forgive YOURSELF! And be thankful you were loved.

Aren´t you thankful enough that you were loved, even for few minutes, days or a month? I´m thankful, though. I recently loved and was loved: No regrets on it!

If you want to be healed know you would have loved her (him) more than you love YOU or GOD. Will you mind checking that spiritual realm?

If you´ve loved a person more than GOD you were screwed up from the beginning. Didn´t you know that?

If GOD was out of that love relationship, be sure that her/his leaving you behind was just a simple consequence of more people being hurt and left: If you don´t love GOD, you don´t love well.

If you don´t know the way out, some doors could be slammed -just at your faces- to show you what was wrong in a relationship that have ended up. Pray, forgive (forgive yourself privately and publicly) and renounce those feeling to get the needed healing to keep your life going on.

Simple as that!

In my mind, I still being young, and here are some words I wrote for a dear friend I wish the best:

“I wish I dare to fly

I wish I were your wings

I wish I crossed that mark

where lines with you begins.

No time to say goodbyes

no space to let them in

those thorns you felt that bad

will make you fly with winds.”

A.T. June 13, 2014

P.S.

Here are both links for you to use to compare and think, just to be detached from a broken love bond:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nx2KQUUBjx8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4XRzdlDBkcg

P.S. 2

Here are some reasons I might have liked someone like “Bella”.

Personal life: Stewart lives in Los Angeles. She is interested in attending college in the near future, saying, "I want to go to college for literature. I want to be a writer. I mean, I love what I do, but it's not all I want to do – be a professional liar for the rest of my life."[65]

Althoughs:

However, Stewart officially acknowledged her relationship with (Robert) Pattinson for the first time in July 2012, when Us Weekly published photos of Stewart showing affection with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders.[69] The day the photos were released, Stewart issued a public apology to Pattinson at People Magazine, saying, "I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry.[70]"

Suddenly Single (May 2013)

“Seven months after winning back Pattinson, Stewart and her Twilight costar split once more, with the actor failing to show up at a birthday celebration she hosts for him. "Kristen has been in a terrible mood, and it was obvious that things were not great with Rob," a source tells PEOPLE, adding that it wouldn't come as a surprise if the pair were to get back together. “

( http://www.people.com/people/kristen_stewart/biography/0,,20241359_10,00.html )

The BBDs ( The Best Big Deals )

Today is a rare day! Last night it rained a little, I planned to go home to pick some stuff from my bedroom and I had no idea to think about, while I briefly checked my mind... I thought about the BBDs then I knew I have something to leave here on my records.

First, “Two people will not walk together unless they have agreed to do so.” Amos 3:3

Second, I don´t know what´s coming tomorrow (I never knew it) and, if I ever planned or dreamed about it, it could end up this way: "Son of man, you love your wife very much, but I am going to take her away from you. Your wife will die suddenly, but you must not show your sadness. You must not cry loudly. You will cry and your tears will fall, but you must mourn quietly. Dress as you normally do; wear your turban and sandals; don't cover your mustache, and don't eat the food people normally eat when someone dies." Ezek 24:16-17

So, what´s next then?

"You can enter true life only through the narrow gate. The gate to hell is very wide, and there is plenty of room on the road that leads there. Many people go that way.” Mat 7:13

While others could be preaching about whatever they think it best, I could be preaching the gospel of “being detached” and more if I could acknowledge I´ve living semi-automatically piloting my life for the BBD.

BBD - an acronym for "Bigger Better Deal". A term basically used when a man or woman temporarily makes due with someone as his or her mate, while actually still in search for a mate that bares superior superficial qualities for an ideal lover.

Each has gone to the Stats owing the possession of his / her human experiences (No one would deny what each has lived, not even God). Stats are personal and each should keep the records of what they learned, holding his / her Stats.

I don´t know about you, but I largely lived with the Best Big Deal. :)

By 1988 I felt in love with MP. Some time after we were on our love affair and things, she kissed another guy in a party and I wasn´t well informed furthermore what she did those days ahead, because one of her friends informed me what was going on while we were a BF and GF. That relationship ended up not for my infidelity or hers, but for my stubbornness to avoid celebrating X-mas or the things she liked to follow up as Catholic. While we were somehow “connected”, MM came along and, unaware of that she liked me more than a friend, I enjoyed her tenderness and it would have been another sin that I have touched her, since she was a virgin... Why I missed both? I wasn´t the man MP liked and MM wasn´t the girl I liked to be married to (so I was operating under the BBD).

When I became “Christian”, when I realized my core wrong doings (yet not completely known all of them) I tried to do this well. In short, I was left for not bringing what they wanted and -reluctantly- I would say I´m happy not having what they wanted: Things!, instead of me.

There are some names I could list, but we all were operating with the BBD software system.

Lately, thinking my life was led well, I fell of the stairways (again) and I´m happy I still use the same measuring pattern I´ve been developing for five decades, though there´s an unpredictable margin of errors I cannot calculate: I have not right to deal inside another´s mind (though some might have tried to crack me from the inside out).

Amos 3:3 is clear enough to show me we cannot walk without agreements, but I´m used to walk along. Sometimes I´ve been rude, selfish and so self-centered, but I have thanked myself for having changed a little, or superficially.

What if someone gets the temporal reward some might have shown as a trophy?

What if God has another plan while I was spending time to please my guts or visceral mind?

I must admit I failed (and sinned). Since youth I wanted to be vasectomized and finally I am... What for? It was to be selfish and to do it my own way, then Jesus told it the best way:

“The gate to hell is very wide, and there is plenty of room on the road that leads there.”

I have tried life a lot!

I´m not an achiever, when challenged I see where their things go, and this year I´m going to be 53. What do I need then?

Eternity isn´t in my priority but, it seems the soul and its software has to be changed and pulled off.

I don´t mind being thought as a liar, but we men have done the same, because I have seen some things too temporal and risky. I also have seen several persons´ red flags (and their concealed warnings).

I don´t like being put under my tests.

I´m not quite concerned when being evaluated and, when being drawn away from my comfort zone I don´t see what is sought, so I´m not there to please another´s caprice.

As long as the day goes by traveling home (my own) I´ll be thinking about White Snow...

“Hi ho! Hi ho!...”

A.T.

Virtual Detachments

Dating is not to be hidden. If you´ve done it so, someone or something has been limiting both genders and, besides, someone else could be hurt or feel upset.

If you are old enough, if you live your own adult life, in your own house, there´s no point in dating secretly. If you´re doing so, be sure you are not risking yourself or having another person under a risk.

Married people should not be dating.

Singles who lived under their parents care or roof, should respect parents role and authority (They do it so to protect you, somehow).

Nowadays several things are done online, I will not tell but, if you are having a virtual affair online, if you are dating a married one online -even sleeping with a married- you are under a risk, you are risking yourself (and probably other persons you think you´ve loved).

Today, by the way, I heard some is wooing at JL. That man was telling how the “news” was going on and, of course, there was something going on, same way Christians and unbelievers do their things. Are you sending pictures to be admired or poked, online?

A couple of years ago a friend of mine told me: “She likes you! See how many “likes” she is sending to EACH of yours pictures”... And he was right! She and I had an affair but, when that ended up, she asked me to remove HER pictures from FB and there´s no way to know what she did with mine, because I removed all those she sent -to me- showing her bathing suit and those where she wanted me to see...

Are you aware of this I´m saying?

Once the affair is ended up, both partners have to pull things back, there´s a moment of light or big crisis and both would claim for “privacy”, either online or in the eyes of their public. Could things be erased and finally hid?

There´s a self-reproach and, of course, no one likes his / her pictures to be seen in the company of the one they have left (or hurt). They stupidly talk back and insist on that and, the good thing is, the more they do that, they´re helping you to be healed if you were hurt, left, cheated on.

Believed or not, you can monitor (or guess) part of the things your chosen one is doing on line. There are “private” messages, SMS and more but, in social media, there are things than can be viewed (and prevented).

There´s a remorse: “Oh! I failed!” or “I was hurt” but you are not naive to know the wrong you did to be wronged. Do you?

Be thankful! Sometimes you need something like day to avoid committing the same mistake (more than twice).

“Delete my pictures!” Sometimes it is an order or a kind petition but, when you give a thing: Will you ask THOSE things back?

If those pictures were a wedding ring, I would agree! Particularly if this belong to your grandmother, mother or cost you an eye. Ask it back! Get it, sell it or throw it into a lake, but don´t ask those undeserved things: Just because you gave them with love... with you all!.

Someone who plans to keep his / her life on, would like to ask you to clean all your records. She or he wants that life clean (just to avoid gossiping or ill spirited reactions or just public censorship).

Give them all you don´t need!

Luk 6:30 Give to everyone who asks you for something. When someone takes something that is yours, don't ask for it back.

Though, don´t erase the lessons you´ve learned. These might help you to avoid turning your back to similar mistakes (or sins).

You cannot control what others do, but you are self-controlled on your own things.

They have the right to keep their things going on and don´t let them rule over yours (this includes also me).

A.T.

Quiero contarte…

Hace mucho fui joven, creí saberlo todo, creí no necesitar nada y, en medio de lo que creí tener o hacer bien, me perdí.

No dormía con mujeres pero, varias veces -a la semana- me acostaba con la chica que estaba dispuesta, la que me gustaba o la que tenía apetitos y, la verdad, yo no tenía hambre ni ganas de amor (ni de amar).

Puede que, lo que oigas hoy o mañana, tampoco te interese ni te importe; puede que no pienses en tus hijos ni en tus hijas (pero son tu problema).

Quiero decirte que no serás joven ni bonita siempre. Lo mismo es contigo, jovencito.

Puede que hoy y mañana te deseen docenas de hombres (y hasta mujeres) pero, eso no es amor y, ciertamente, la lujuria y el placer pasan…

Me divertí pero hice daño y me dañé.

Comí aquí, comí allá y, esa “hambre” no se sacia con carne ni mordiscos ni gritos…

Yo no sé tú pero, no me agrada la idea de besar o acostarme con una mujer que haya besado a otro, que haya “dormido” con cualquier otro distinto a mí…

Cuando tuve tu edad, en la discoteca de un barco, conocí a una chica muy linda. La abordé y, en algún momento, saltamos de la barra a una mesa. La oía, la miraba y lña admiraba y, de la nada, saltó otro chico y la besó en la boca… Me enojé, dentro de mí mismo. Sentí que perdía mi tiempo y, para suerte mía, yo no la había besado ni tocado antes.

En un descuido de ese advenedizo le hice señas a la chica para que me dijera quien era el que había venido.

-¡Amigo! Te presento a mi esposo.

¡Perro! Ese extraño me ofreció su mano, ingenuo, confiado o inocente. Me desconcerté pero, aún confundido, le extendí la mano y comencé a disimular el flirteo que yo mismo había iniciado (y ella me había seguido, con otro juego).

Estuve algún tiempo sentado frente a ellos quienes, a sus tiempo, se daban besos y abrazos (yo quería retirarme ¡o volar!).

Antes que pudiera levantar vuelo a otra parte, sentí un pie descalzo jugueteando con mi pierna y, con gran habilidad o destreza, no sólo jugó con mi pie hasta la rodilla y mi entrepierna.

Puedes que imagines la escena de forma “excitante” pero, para mí, no hay excitación cuando una persona se come lo que me meto en la boca o en mi pecho.

Era un pie que, humanamente, me parecía bello, suave y juguetón. Tuve que inclinarme para ver qué sucedía ¿Qué tal fuera otra cosa?

Cuando descubrí que era el de ella, disimulé mi sorpresa y ella me miraba y se reía (su esposo no parecía darse cuenta de su juego). Tragué saliva y, con desconcierto me levanté y quise irme y, aunque trató de retenerme con sus dos piernas, admito que huí de su sucio juego ¿Te gustaría que tu propia mujer hiciera eso a espaldas tuyas?

Hoy eres joven, crees saberlo todo, pero nunca sabrás cuando te engañen (pero sí sabes cuando TÚ ENGAÑAS a otra persona).

¡No peques!

Ser infiel deja heridas que no se borran.