Loved love

Something in me tells WE all die to love or be loved. Something -deep inside- insists on telling me all of us die to enjoy this or enjoy that but, is it self-seeking feeling and something really selfish and sticky?

I cannot stop myself from looking at God, the moment He started to create The World with Jesus... What was he thinking about? What did they have as common agreement?

It sounds naive they needed to be worshiped, particularly when they probably have made angels and more creatures.

It sounds weird they felt alone, having needs they were unable to fill or fulfill.

I just look at the moment Adam sinned. Were they stuck in that present of the Creation? Were they limited to see the future we don´t see in the present?

Adam lacked something he knew the moment he saw Eve. It sounds childish God wasn´t aware of human needs and unveiled longings and, if inadvertently ignored any of them, was He blind or Jesus?: He gave us His nature, also.

Dogs or cats shared a couple of things with me, as a rare human. They know whom they like and those they don´t. The have their time to piss up and their moment to seek more “loving” attention... Are we a product of such a cosmic evolution many insist on?

These days I remembered some cartoon I used to watch on TV. If I had had the control we have now to pick the program and the channel, I would have learned more from life and those painstaking lesson TV programs tried to retrieve from real life (Some TV programs served me as a schoolroom).

Did you like the Krazy Cat cartoon series?

I disbelieved there were people like that. I blindly doubted there were people like that but, the one who worked on those drawings knew it from another side...

Will you love someone who hurts you and undermines all your human being?

I hoped none would say “Yes”, but that is not my choice. I hope no one would say: “I have been there, and it hurts”.

Just look at these words someone has said, perhaps in a narrow-minded situation:

"What I absolutely need is:

Someone who has never been married

Someone who does not drink

Someone who does not smoke

Someone who does not do drugs

Someone who does not have children

Someone who lives in (blank) or who can move here

Someone who does not have sex outside of marriage

Also I don´t believe in living together before marriage

Very important to know: I am a virgin and I have no interest in sex... I am likely asexual... A huge plus if God made you that way too. "

How come a hurt-me not, like this, will be helped to be found or match-made?

She said she is asexual (or likely) so, 1. Does she need to be married? 2. Will she be found by another virgin and pure man?

A picky person does not help his/ her situation. Some ailments -and mental illness- helps but too little (or nothing) to be cherished up to the last earthly breath.

Sometimes we open our windows without any shade and, I´m the kind of person who -sometimes- loves (and try to know) below the outer surface...

If I had had the chance I wouldn´t have watched the things I have seen and many of those I can give an account. I know that, part of the present day feminist movement, comes from several sorts of physical, emotional and sexual abuse and harassment and, most of those who back this up were abused, no matter the gender but, would you love someone like that mouse?

She is tall he is short.

She has good shape. He is bad and ugly (compared to several mice cartoons have had).

He is cheeky, selfish and unkind (completely detestable, if he was a person).

I see her Christian-like and, the mouse, another rat to be left...

If I were asked to show whom I like I surely would say I like that Krazy Kat. She sees the positive within the mice´s animosity. She insist on loving while that mouse is trowing bricks at her... No! I don´t to be like that, but she is lovable.

I had a friend whom I used to say I needed a brick to kiss her cheek. She was taller than I am and, when that wasn´t possible (I said) I would step up into the sidewalk, just to place her near the road to see her we were alike... Ha! Ha!

My brother´s GF is behaving like that kitty. She always sighs at looking his pictures and I make some jokes to see how deeply she loves mu brother (I hope he gets his firstborn).

She stares at a picture where I was with my brother and says nice things any person would enjoy (perhaps my brother would not pay to much attention). She daydreams the moment “their baby” comes and looks like my brother was (here´s where I told things to hear how she likes him the most).

Do you love that way? Have you ever loved like a crazy person?

There were more movies I have seen. One of those I have liked was “Click”, with Adam Sandler. Did you like that part where he fell down running and sadly died?

Did you feel the pain of loosing a loved one and, soon after, regaining that what was solely yours?

No doubt I felt jealous when Adam Sandler lost his wife for another: He played the fool we somehow are...

We, like that mouse, have goofed to the most. We hurt and finally, have been hurt, to be healed...

Yet, it should be recognized we don´t always belong!

We´ve made mistakes, we have hurt, and I don´t plan to be always picky. Will you?

What would be the end result for a mouse?

What would be the final outcome for a person who always rejects those who love him/her for the person he/she really is?

When I was a child a little girl came to show me what love was... I wish I could remember what her face was, much more of this foggy memory I have got for 4 decades but, I think she came into my life for a reason.

I can see her father´s car (a white Volkswagen) but I cannot see her hands or face. Each time I see her, I see the loving attitude she had toward me and those bonds I didn´t realize we started to create any simple day. Sometimes I think she was my soul mate, someone who thought the way I was but, I was so afraid of loving her (of loving me) that I often ran away from her attentions: I think I was a hurt-me not before I was a hermit (a secular one).

Have you ever loved a person you knew you would miss?

Will you commit to love a person you know you would miss or leave, any moment?

I think I knew my limits those days. Her parents were aware I was teased all around that house by her loving but, one night, I let she sit by my side while I was look those stars shining in a clear sky... My life was changed and I don´t know how I turned to be hardened, for some reasons I have ignored.

A Krazy Kat will love you the way you are. A crazy friend -like this- will respect the person you are and, unconditionally, will give much more than you possibly give.

I forgot her name, her face, her likes.

Something, deep in me, has hidden I was older than she was and, if my memory fails, I think it was the first time I played hide & seek, because it was love at first sight.

What are those names you think were forgotten?

What are those persons you´ve badly missed?

That mouse -of that movie- was afraid of being loved by someone bigger than he thought he was. He was afraid of being hugged or liked and, as shocking as it is, many of us are the same...

It´s OK you have your sexual drives and your social-material expectations but, if you were all alone in a remote island, will you love the one who comes?

The truth is many of us are stuck at our emotional standoffish, mentally isolated in our “social” lagoons and we still live afraid of loving beyond personal known limits.

I haven´t stopped this dissociative habit, but I´m doing it step by step and -pitifully- within the atmosphere were pagans are -or where I could be one hurting-me not.

The good Samaritan parable gave me an outstanding example to see how we are to avoid risks for fears of being endangered. It says “there were some men who passed by and did not helped” (Luke 10:31-32). There was a second class citizen (from Samaria) who endured such a risk of being vulnerable...

Luk 10:34 The Samaritan went to him and poured olive oil and wine on his wounds.

Luk 10:34 He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him.

Will you care those for who need to be healed?

I have done it (though I cannot repay what I have received from friends who met me on my wrong way).

I have endangered, though I know my limits and people´s limits (as well the present law of the country I live).

Those who know we are hurt-me not know our boundaries, our fears, etc., but some still behave like that good Samaritan...

Just allow me to be entertained with the thought I have seen several of you who have done what is right -and lawful- according to God´s will and, that His peace (and love) grow more within you.

"Love ya!" (and hurt-me not). :)

A.T.

Honor those who love you.

As a present, daydreaming or writing to a future spouse, is not bad. If any person you think of would fit daydreaming is alive and somewhere she or he is, I would keep on written dreams: You are writing to the "object" of your present idealized love and to the "subject" of your love (even to the innermost YOU who longs to make dreams come true).

When you honestly write, you leave a record of your emotions, desires and dreams. If you want to be well understood, keep them going on. If you want to know more about YOURSELVES, during certain stage of your life (or that moment of your emotions) just make it as a paper records its time.

Time by time, if the persons "was" not either the object or subject of your words, if he/she wasn´t THE SOUND of those words you solely spelled... Just keep on to know you the more! (and do not share those secret emotions you addressed thinking in another person who is gone, somehow).

If those words serve to teach your, or others, get a fake moniker and publish them online (just to check the way you were and to correct any possible fault you had hidden inside your self).

Certain day, when I was getting divorced I went to my ex-wife´s house. I saw there weren´t any. My children were gone and, also, my ex and, surprisingly, I saw the door unlocked as it was shut (a very rare thing over there).

I stepped in.

I searched inside I saw the mess they normally had and have... (One of the reasons I left them). But I decided to be creative, since I had two cans of paints, so I decided to paint their windows and their main door...

While I was doing so, I needed a piece of paper to clean something I don´t remember what was. I tried to find old newspapers inside, but I couldn´t, except when I saw several papers that looked out of the trash can I never saw.

I swept the floor a little and, quickly, I saw there were too many pieces torn, of the same papers and, I had an idea when reading these belonged to hers...

I reconstructed the mayority of those pieces I have found on the floor. I knew how to bond and glue all of them, I was picking up them to understand the whole issue...

These were LOVE LETTERS. These were all those my ex-wife was writing to her lover...

I felt I hate her the most.

I felt jealous because I NEVER saw she wrote things -like that- for me. Of course it was THEIR INTIMACY I saw (from her perspective), but I also read she was aware he was a known cheater in town, the one she was ready to keep on fighting to get him back, although she knew he was married to another... (omitting details for respect of your eyes, your minds and the kids who could read this).

I felt my anger flowing and I knew I could kill a man for adulterer...

I felt I rejected, myself, because I came "home" and I tried to amend those things unsorted and, because of their absence, I started to paint their door, their windows, just to leave them a simple present, “a surprise”... But I was me who got sadly surprised. :(

I have lived to be strong, mentally healthy, smart, and so on.

It was a lesson I learned the hard way (I only cheated -on her- once during 13 years) and this pain healed my entire life because, before I was Christian, I was a cheater and a promiscuous man: Some sins have to be paid!

I don´t remember having written a letter for a spouse I´ve planned to meet any day on a date. I know I have written too many things for the people I have met and those I have left...

After divorce, I became a "bloggist" and I let my steam be off by writing, publicly, with all what I´ve felt.

I was so hurt, sinking deep in self-pity and sorrow, that I thought life was meaningless, worth of nothing and -any day- I pulled (3 times) the trigger of my big fire gun... The last time I planned to blow my head pulling it, I thought about my son Joshua. I thought about many things. I even thought God "was so selfish and deaf" because He never said: "Don´t do it" or "Stop it! Because I love you".

So, if you think your past can help another to know you: Re-write it in a new personal approach to win the person who now dares to LOVE YOU, the way you are.

He/she doesn´t need to know your past: Except when you are highly depressive or suicidal. (A thing I am not, however I´m strong willed and quick to react against injustice).

Do not let them know how much you´ve loved ANOTHER... Do you want to see their jealousy or anger confused and frustrated?

Do not let them know how much you´ve missed those who left you nor those you left: Your past is passed... (They will love you at the PRESENT state you are).

Hope they never try to change you...

It might sound ironic when They haven´t change themselves, but are so quick and willing to change or coach another´s refurbishment. ;)

How foolish these are!

Give honor those who deserve it... Keep the records of your faults (to avoid repeating them, and do not let these be used to hurt you).

"Forgive, to be forgiven" (Jesus)

A.T.