How does your mind works?

Coincidentally with something I recently wrote, I clicked on the trailer of another romantic movie I will not watch.

The 1^st thing I felt it was disgusting. I´m used that “Bella” was made for Edward Cullen and I surely thought that that unending love story would never be different... I´m talking about twilight. (Yes! I´m somewhat romantic).

How come I came to post this? I´ve seen some men apparently need to be detached (and I think I´m used too).

If you are like me, just watch part of the trailer. What do you feel?

The 1^st thing I felt it was disgusting. I said, to myself: “How come? Wasn´t it thought to be forever?”

Yes! I´m used to think it that way (and I´m not the only one who sees it so).

Part of me felt insulted. I could admit I liked “Bella”. I admit she needs someone better than me, so I gave Edward “my approval” though I would fight to get her (if I had the chance) and well aware of that I´m handicapped by a dozen of reasons. Ha! Ha! Ha! (I´m not too fictional! I have liked “Bella”, but I don´t like her anymore).

How does your mind works?

Don´t you feel an emotional rejections to things like that?

If you have wanted to be the new BF “Bella” has in that movie, I will not say what´s wrong.

If you have been “Edward Cullen”, I will not give my inputs.

My concern, in here, is helping you to see things detached: Have you loved “Bella” watching or reading that novel?

I liked her! But I didn´t love her when I saw she liked another.

After the 1^st movie / novel I was “OK” she loved another rather than me. Do you understand what I´m saying?

But, after watching that trailer of a SECULAR SAGA I don´t think fits my beliefs, something went wrong when I “saw” Edward Cullen somewhat leaving her and -as a real life experience- I saw something weird in “Bella´s” personal life.

I know you don´t like reading, so I will leave another link to ease that trip. Double click, please!

The 1st time I knew I “loved” someone in a movie I think it was Brooke Shields. When I saw she over-kissed Richard Atkins (or whomever he was) and did several things I thought I deserved, she broke my heart (that´s why I don´t girls/women above 5´5”) Ha! Ha! Ha! All of them deserve the same! Ha! Ha!

I´m serious about brokenhearted people. I feel sad when they are sad and -now- I´m lightly sad for me, I´m missing those texts messages I was getting used to receive, her phone calls and visits, her hugs and all those things I started to receive and get when I cared for someone who went her way, who chases her dreams, and she is is complete FREE to do what she does.

Will you think the same about “Bella” and Edward Cullen´s?

The “true” story behind a movie like that: If They were married, they could end up divorced.

( http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20614722,00.html )

( http://www.people.com/people/kristen_stewart/biography/0,,20241359_10,00.html )

Here´s the tip for someone who needs to overcome his (her) love grievance: If you want to be detached, know the background from those you need to be uprooted.

I never planned to read that novel. I watched one movie to know why so many people were reading that bulky book and, of course, I read about Meyer´s background and, knowing she was married, I had my ideas... Not to be shared!

When I saw Bella´s 2nd boyfriend, I knew she was working semi-automatically under a BBD appeal.

Let´s agreed on: Jacob seems to be handsome, stronger, Etc., but what about you? You felt left, despised, hurt, just for another she / he picked and chose.... Didn´t you?

That´s a BBD and they are free (you too!).

It isn´t a matter of what you marveled with dear thoughts, not what you´ve planned or dreamed about that person you loved, you cared or wanted to be married: She (he) left!

And that´s ALL what counts to be detached.

Live one day after another.

Forgive them, forgive YOURSELF! And be thankful you were loved.

Aren´t you thankful enough that you were loved, even for few minutes, days or a month? I´m thankful, though. I recently loved and was loved: No regrets on it!

If you want to be healed know you would have loved her (him) more than you love YOU or GOD. Will you mind checking that spiritual realm?

If you´ve loved a person more than GOD you were screwed up from the beginning. Didn´t you know that?

If GOD was out of that love relationship, be sure that her/his leaving you behind was just a simple consequence of more people being hurt and left: If you don´t love GOD, you don´t love well.

If you don´t know the way out, some doors could be slammed -just at your faces- to show you what was wrong in a relationship that have ended up. Pray, forgive (forgive yourself privately and publicly) and renounce those feeling to get the needed healing to keep your life going on.

Simple as that!

In my mind, I still being young, and here are some words I wrote for a dear friend I wish the best:

“I wish I dare to fly

I wish I were your wings

I wish I crossed that mark

where lines with you begins.

No time to say goodbyes

no space to let them in

those thorns you felt that bad

will make you fly with winds.”

A.T. June 13, 2014

P.S.

Here are both links for you to use to compare and think, just to be detached from a broken love bond:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nx2KQUUBjx8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4XRzdlDBkcg

P.S. 2

Here are some reasons I might have liked someone like “Bella”.

Personal life: Stewart lives in Los Angeles. She is interested in attending college in the near future, saying, "I want to go to college for literature. I want to be a writer. I mean, I love what I do, but it's not all I want to do – be a professional liar for the rest of my life."[65]

Althoughs:

However, Stewart officially acknowledged her relationship with (Robert) Pattinson for the first time in July 2012, when Us Weekly published photos of Stewart showing affection with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders.[69] The day the photos were released, Stewart issued a public apology to Pattinson at People Magazine, saying, "I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry.[70]"

Suddenly Single (May 2013)

“Seven months after winning back Pattinson, Stewart and her Twilight costar split once more, with the actor failing to show up at a birthday celebration she hosts for him. "Kristen has been in a terrible mood, and it was obvious that things were not great with Rob," a source tells PEOPLE, adding that it wouldn't come as a surprise if the pair were to get back together. “

( http://www.people.com/people/kristen_stewart/biography/0,,20241359_10,00.html )

The BBDs ( The Best Big Deals )

Today is a rare day! Last night it rained a little, I planned to go home to pick some stuff from my bedroom and I had no idea to think about, while I briefly checked my mind... I thought about the BBDs then I knew I have something to leave here on my records.

First, “Two people will not walk together unless they have agreed to do so.” Amos 3:3

Second, I don´t know what´s coming tomorrow (I never knew it) and, if I ever planned or dreamed about it, it could end up this way: "Son of man, you love your wife very much, but I am going to take her away from you. Your wife will die suddenly, but you must not show your sadness. You must not cry loudly. You will cry and your tears will fall, but you must mourn quietly. Dress as you normally do; wear your turban and sandals; don't cover your mustache, and don't eat the food people normally eat when someone dies." Ezek 24:16-17

So, what´s next then?

"You can enter true life only through the narrow gate. The gate to hell is very wide, and there is plenty of room on the road that leads there. Many people go that way.” Mat 7:13

While others could be preaching about whatever they think it best, I could be preaching the gospel of “being detached” and more if I could acknowledge I´ve living semi-automatically piloting my life for the BBD.

BBD - an acronym for "Bigger Better Deal". A term basically used when a man or woman temporarily makes due with someone as his or her mate, while actually still in search for a mate that bares superior superficial qualities for an ideal lover.

Each has gone to the Stats owing the possession of his / her human experiences (No one would deny what each has lived, not even God). Stats are personal and each should keep the records of what they learned, holding his / her Stats.

I don´t know about you, but I largely lived with the Best Big Deal. :)

By 1988 I felt in love with MP. Some time after we were on our love affair and things, she kissed another guy in a party and I wasn´t well informed furthermore what she did those days ahead, because one of her friends informed me what was going on while we were a BF and GF. That relationship ended up not for my infidelity or hers, but for my stubbornness to avoid celebrating X-mas or the things she liked to follow up as Catholic. While we were somehow “connected”, MM came along and, unaware of that she liked me more than a friend, I enjoyed her tenderness and it would have been another sin that I have touched her, since she was a virgin... Why I missed both? I wasn´t the man MP liked and MM wasn´t the girl I liked to be married to (so I was operating under the BBD).

When I became “Christian”, when I realized my core wrong doings (yet not completely known all of them) I tried to do this well. In short, I was left for not bringing what they wanted and -reluctantly- I would say I´m happy not having what they wanted: Things!, instead of me.

There are some names I could list, but we all were operating with the BBD software system.

Lately, thinking my life was led well, I fell of the stairways (again) and I´m happy I still use the same measuring pattern I´ve been developing for five decades, though there´s an unpredictable margin of errors I cannot calculate: I have not right to deal inside another´s mind (though some might have tried to crack me from the inside out).

Amos 3:3 is clear enough to show me we cannot walk without agreements, but I´m used to walk along. Sometimes I´ve been rude, selfish and so self-centered, but I have thanked myself for having changed a little, or superficially.

What if someone gets the temporal reward some might have shown as a trophy?

What if God has another plan while I was spending time to please my guts or visceral mind?

I must admit I failed (and sinned). Since youth I wanted to be vasectomized and finally I am... What for? It was to be selfish and to do it my own way, then Jesus told it the best way:

“The gate to hell is very wide, and there is plenty of room on the road that leads there.”

I have tried life a lot!

I´m not an achiever, when challenged I see where their things go, and this year I´m going to be 53. What do I need then?

Eternity isn´t in my priority but, it seems the soul and its software has to be changed and pulled off.

I don´t mind being thought as a liar, but we men have done the same, because I have seen some things too temporal and risky. I also have seen several persons´ red flags (and their concealed warnings).

I don´t like being put under my tests.

I´m not quite concerned when being evaluated and, when being drawn away from my comfort zone I don´t see what is sought, so I´m not there to please another´s caprice.

As long as the day goes by traveling home (my own) I´ll be thinking about White Snow...

“Hi ho! Hi ho!...”

A.T.

Virtual Detachments

Dating is not to be hidden. If you´ve done it so, someone or something has been limiting both genders and, besides, someone else could be hurt or feel upset.

If you are old enough, if you live your own adult life, in your own house, there´s no point in dating secretly. If you´re doing so, be sure you are not risking yourself or having another person under a risk.

Married people should not be dating.

Singles who lived under their parents care or roof, should respect parents role and authority (They do it so to protect you, somehow).

Nowadays several things are done online, I will not tell but, if you are having a virtual affair online, if you are dating a married one online -even sleeping with a married- you are under a risk, you are risking yourself (and probably other persons you think you´ve loved).

Today, by the way, I heard some is wooing at JL. That man was telling how the “news” was going on and, of course, there was something going on, same way Christians and unbelievers do their things. Are you sending pictures to be admired or poked, online?

A couple of years ago a friend of mine told me: “She likes you! See how many “likes” she is sending to EACH of yours pictures”... And he was right! She and I had an affair but, when that ended up, she asked me to remove HER pictures from FB and there´s no way to know what she did with mine, because I removed all those she sent -to me- showing her bathing suit and those where she wanted me to see...

Are you aware of this I´m saying?

Once the affair is ended up, both partners have to pull things back, there´s a moment of light or big crisis and both would claim for “privacy”, either online or in the eyes of their public. Could things be erased and finally hid?

There´s a self-reproach and, of course, no one likes his / her pictures to be seen in the company of the one they have left (or hurt). They stupidly talk back and insist on that and, the good thing is, the more they do that, they´re helping you to be healed if you were hurt, left, cheated on.

Believed or not, you can monitor (or guess) part of the things your chosen one is doing on line. There are “private” messages, SMS and more but, in social media, there are things than can be viewed (and prevented).

There´s a remorse: “Oh! I failed!” or “I was hurt” but you are not naive to know the wrong you did to be wronged. Do you?

Be thankful! Sometimes you need something like day to avoid committing the same mistake (more than twice).

“Delete my pictures!” Sometimes it is an order or a kind petition but, when you give a thing: Will you ask THOSE things back?

If those pictures were a wedding ring, I would agree! Particularly if this belong to your grandmother, mother or cost you an eye. Ask it back! Get it, sell it or throw it into a lake, but don´t ask those undeserved things: Just because you gave them with love... with you all!.

Someone who plans to keep his / her life on, would like to ask you to clean all your records. She or he wants that life clean (just to avoid gossiping or ill spirited reactions or just public censorship).

Give them all you don´t need!

Luk 6:30 Give to everyone who asks you for something. When someone takes something that is yours, don't ask for it back.

Though, don´t erase the lessons you´ve learned. These might help you to avoid turning your back to similar mistakes (or sins).

You cannot control what others do, but you are self-controlled on your own things.

They have the right to keep their things going on and don´t let them rule over yours (this includes also me).

A.T.

Quiero contarte…

Hace mucho fui joven, creí saberlo todo, creí no necesitar nada y, en medio de lo que creí tener o hacer bien, me perdí.

No dormía con mujeres pero, varias veces -a la semana- me acostaba con la chica que estaba dispuesta, la que me gustaba o la que tenía apetitos y, la verdad, yo no tenía hambre ni ganas de amor (ni de amar).

Puede que, lo que oigas hoy o mañana, tampoco te interese ni te importe; puede que no pienses en tus hijos ni en tus hijas (pero son tu problema).

Quiero decirte que no serás joven ni bonita siempre. Lo mismo es contigo, jovencito.

Puede que hoy y mañana te deseen docenas de hombres (y hasta mujeres) pero, eso no es amor y, ciertamente, la lujuria y el placer pasan…

Me divertí pero hice daño y me dañé.

Comí aquí, comí allá y, esa “hambre” no se sacia con carne ni mordiscos ni gritos…

Yo no sé tú pero, no me agrada la idea de besar o acostarme con una mujer que haya besado a otro, que haya “dormido” con cualquier otro distinto a mí…

Cuando tuve tu edad, en la discoteca de un barco, conocí a una chica muy linda. La abordé y, en algún momento, saltamos de la barra a una mesa. La oía, la miraba y lña admiraba y, de la nada, saltó otro chico y la besó en la boca… Me enojé, dentro de mí mismo. Sentí que perdía mi tiempo y, para suerte mía, yo no la había besado ni tocado antes.

En un descuido de ese advenedizo le hice señas a la chica para que me dijera quien era el que había venido.

-¡Amigo! Te presento a mi esposo.

¡Perro! Ese extraño me ofreció su mano, ingenuo, confiado o inocente. Me desconcerté pero, aún confundido, le extendí la mano y comencé a disimular el flirteo que yo mismo había iniciado (y ella me había seguido, con otro juego).

Estuve algún tiempo sentado frente a ellos quienes, a sus tiempo, se daban besos y abrazos (yo quería retirarme ¡o volar!).

Antes que pudiera levantar vuelo a otra parte, sentí un pie descalzo jugueteando con mi pierna y, con gran habilidad o destreza, no sólo jugó con mi pie hasta la rodilla y mi entrepierna.

Puedes que imagines la escena de forma “excitante” pero, para mí, no hay excitación cuando una persona se come lo que me meto en la boca o en mi pecho.

Era un pie que, humanamente, me parecía bello, suave y juguetón. Tuve que inclinarme para ver qué sucedía ¿Qué tal fuera otra cosa?

Cuando descubrí que era el de ella, disimulé mi sorpresa y ella me miraba y se reía (su esposo no parecía darse cuenta de su juego). Tragué saliva y, con desconcierto me levanté y quise irme y, aunque trató de retenerme con sus dos piernas, admito que huí de su sucio juego ¿Te gustaría que tu propia mujer hiciera eso a espaldas tuyas?

Hoy eres joven, crees saberlo todo, pero nunca sabrás cuando te engañen (pero sí sabes cuando TÚ ENGAÑAS a otra persona).

¡No peques!

Ser infiel deja heridas que no se borran.

Words to somebody

I´m another somebody like you and the difference is that I´m not married and surely will not marry a person so selfcentered, one who pushyly asks to be married and plays the detective as Dick Tracy trying to guess what my ideas or intentions are.
I know women often needs reaffirmations, tokens of love and many things some of us don´t need but, I would never ask a person to remove their past as if we could do it wiping the windshield of a car, just to play the games Dalilah played to seized and hurt Samson (and that ran$om).

There is an empty blank inside some relationship, I know how black or shiny realtionships could be but I don´t trust any person more than I trusted me. She often claims trust but I also said that I don´t trust a demanding person when I don´t know their intentions and also confessed I don´t trust God, completely, because I don´t know Him personally and I don´t see Him, so I can openly talk about those things I know I have a word to say to converse or to understand.

That emptiness is seen when a conversation is largely posponed or delayed and, concerning marriage or that love bond, an open conversation is needed to clearify doubts and emotional infirmities.

Sex is not a glue for a marriage. Children are not a tie, except for economic and legal reasons but, considering the mess outside the marriage (the lies some of us bored and liked to bear) it will be sound you chat with your spouse. You seem to be the hurt person, the loner and left alone without a fair consensus but, is there a better place outside a home and a real love bond?

There is an emotional divorce taking place in your lives... Paint cannot refurbish a house to make it a home but, is it too late to rebuild what could be made new?

The world hates me.

Girls / women aren´t too concern on love at my age, but on money (and the things they think they need as sex). I don´t regret telling you this, because these are the things I have seen (and widely lived out).

Additionally, as you are seeking advice, don´t show them you have self pity. They will see you "weak", "unlovable"... once you show you real concern and, perhaps, that is probably based on a recurrent rejection you might have felt (or so).

You are not a demon, you are not an evil and, the human EGO is the hardest thing to beat and conquer within yourself.

Besides, ABSOLUTELLY confirmed: Love is a gift! That is a God´s given gift.

Save a lot, work a lot! (Money is blindly $ought, and it´s needed to keep things going on)

Just look at Michael Jackson, he had problems to accept himself the color of his skin and the face he had and he did what he thought he needed to be accepted but, the real thing drawing people to him was: Money, Fame... Although I like his music, he was highly talented (but a loner somehow). So you´d better change that to avoid being a loner.

I´m a loner. I don´t regret it too much now and, besides, I´m happy because -one day- my search will be over (while I´m getting older).

May GOD give you a person WHO LOVES YOU for the person you are.

The thing is, when you get too much money -when you dress up the way they would like you more... Will they love you for the person you are? ( Or for the person they think you are? Or the one they think you should be? )

Will you change (and renounce) the person you really are?

Isn´t it that a denial of the person you actually are?

The most important thing in life is acceptance (self-acceptance). I know I can love a person who has got AIDS, who is sick or facing some temporal ailments but, one who feels self pity, one who wants me to be another person I am not, is a pain in the butt I cannot bear.

What´s wrong in you? I see nothing wrong and WITHIN YOU -your soul- is the real man you are: Just polish that inner man who has felt despised and hurt, because any nice present would come in a fancy box, with a beautiful red ribbon, but THE INSIDE OF EACH PERSON is what really matters, as a gift.

Stop hurting yourself, brother! You don´t deserve that.

The only person I know worths my resignation, my renouncing and surrendering of all is GOD.

There´s no one else who would give me THE BEST, than He.

Accept the man you are: He loves us the way we are: Big or fat, young or old.

He loves us all!

Let´s suppose you´ve got a haircut, What would be the next thing people would like to change in you?

Persons are easy to ask things, but meager to give them, instead.

In my case (this week) I tried to please the woman I liked and, expending the last night in her bedroom, she told me: "I don´t like your feet" ...

What? “Another thing”, I said to myself.

Wow! Do I have any power to make my feet be liked? Will I hide it with socks?

I have received two haircuts lately.

Each time I went her home she wanted me shaved and she -herself- cut my hair off, to help me get the "look" the way she liked me...

How could I change my feet to please her, this time (or another time)?

My understanding is this: If a person is not really liked, it is Ok but, if I don´t like myself, I would remain hopeless and, fortunately, my feet is an average feet, shoes number 7 (both) and these are complete and functional but, What about those who cannot walk, work or dance?

What if any tell them: "I don´t like you feet", "you leg", "your eyes", etc. That is simple rejection!

She (or he) is not lying when telling “their opinion”, but don´t dare to tell yours: They will hurt you the more.

Who am I to ask beauty, if I am not an Adonis, or a wealthy prince?

The world is so selfish, so mundane, that I regret telling you my secular life and this fresh experience I´m sharing, but I´m sure that there´s much more than appearance involved: Unholy rejection.

If a person is not accepted the person he is -as friends- he has the right to flee from those who lie with their hypocrisy or mild "kindness"; because no one is really ugly or beautiful (just within the mind of the person who perceives such ideas of ugliness or beauty).

As a man, I know what I can freely reject from a woman and also know what they reject; but I don´t have enough freedom to expose all I have learnt and also, I don´t have the permission to publish the opinions and those things my friends have said... Just one example (because I see this very personal):

I have a friend, a neighbor, who is married. We had a famous singer who lived in our tiny town and, the moment she married certain wealthy man, my friend said: "I wish I could marry a man like that. He is ugly, ugly as a sin... but he owns several universities (in Venezuela) and I wish I had married one like this... He is ugly, but beautifully rich".

That is not the view of all Christian women but, families, somewhat, had played the role of a pimp when telling their children: "Marry this" or "leave that man for this", because priorities are set on beauty, money, sex. etc. and, as Jesus said: "Your heart is where your treasure is". ( Mat_6:21, Luk_12:34 )

I agree and believe in Jesus, the Lord and the Christ; but we -too often- set values on earthly and corruptible temporal things.

I had two haircuts in two weeks but -inwardly- I am the same and, of course, I will not change by outer means.

Acceptance, too, is another form of love and I spent years to accept myself; because I used to think the way the world wanted me to think and Jesus said:

Joh 15:18 "If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.

Joh 7:7 The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I say that what everyone does is evil.

Joh 15:19 If you had anything in common with the world, the world would love you as one of its own. But you don't have anything in common with the world. I chose you from the world, and that's why the world hates you.

May His grace reach us all.

A.T.

Buscando novia a papá

Hace años (c. 1970) hubo una serie televisiva con este titulo (The courtship of Eddie´s father). Creo era la primera vez que vi allí al actor Bill Bixby, a quien tomaron luego en la película Hulk. ¿Recuerdan la trama?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=lgODEkn015E

Un papá viudo (o soltero) que tenía la bonita amistad de su pequeño hijo casamentero... ¿No sería por ello que, de algún modo, mi amistad con mi hijo Josh deseaba un milagro semejante, justo cuando me divorciase de mi ex-esposa?

Sea lo que sea, yo era un niño esos años, cuando veía la serie y, desde luego, me encariñé con todo lo que aprendí de las emociones de ambos y, naturalmente, también tuve la fantasía de que mi hijo sirviera al mismo fin: Volverme a casar. Sin embargo, ¿Cómo casarme? Si no afirmo -positivamente- cualquier aspecto deseable de cualquier persona que se acerque a mi vida. De mi parte, estoy convencido que:

1. Sólo puedo dar lo que tengo.
2. Sólo doy lo que quiero
3. Sólo doy lo que me es posible.
4. Y, resumidamente: La gente no para de exigir o pedir ¿Cómo saber lo que está dispuesta a dar?

No es lógico que, arbitrariamente, yo descalifique a cualquier persona que -milagrosamente- desee acercarse a mi vida y conocer mi soledad. ¿Qué tantos amigos conservo en la amistad de años y décadas? ¿Qué tanto prosperará mi vida filial o familiar, si el tiempo se me va y, por otra parte, es poca la gente que hable claro, que no te exprese la verdad (su verdad) con sinceridad.

Alex, mi hija adoptiva, es totalmente diferente a mis hijos biológicos... Ayer, sólo en un rato, me dijo cosas que me desarman, no porque tema ser vulnerable o débil con ella (eso no me importa) sino que, con sus 7 años sabe ver en mi alma y, más aún, en lo que veo en las almas de las personas.

Ella, extrañada de mi distanciamiento de estos días, me hizo preguntas y, tratando de explicar (más que excusarme) dio en el clavo en esas cosas que, yo también, coincido con ella y, la verdad, por pequeñas y grandes cosas como estas, es que no quiero morir día a día, sino para dedicarme a ayudarla, a educarla, junto a cualquier niño o niña que tenga esa capacidad de ver al alma por encima de la vanidad o temporalidad de las apariencias.

“Buscando novia a papá” representa un clamor de cada niño o niña que desea que su madre o su padre esté con la persona idónea: La mejor posible. Representa un sueño que murió el mismo día que murió mi padre y nunca pude hacer nada para que mamá o papá volvieras¡n y se amaran pues, pocas veces les vi felices, satisfechos o contentos.

Este año supe más de mi mamá y su relaciones. En diciembre 2013 supe más de cosas que, para mi desegrado, no podré corroborar con papá pero, sea lo que sea, seguiré creyendo en el amor, en la necesidad de amar y confiar, aunque seamos unos depredadores sexuales, unos depredaores económicos y oportunistas de cama y cama, porque sí creo en el amor; aunque, cada quien, ponga un precio distinto a su cama o un precio inalcanzable a su lecho pues, el amor no es sólo sexo y, va mucho más allá de un “polvo”, una nalga descubierta; sino que amar es convivir con un corazón abierto, una mente vulnerable y segura a las verdades, con cada temor (mío y ajeno) y, a esta edad, no me queda mucho por temer o vencer y, ciertamente, hasta puedo admitir que -mucha infelicidad e infidelidad- se debe a las ideas absurdas que esconde cada pareja, en particular: Si todos supiéramos lo que cada quien se oculta, los divorcios aumentarían pero, cada persona es responsable de sí, y de quien dice amar.

Soy responsable de mis sueños y de mis anhelos. No es responsabilidad de nadie mi dicha. No soy responsable por la dicha ajena y, en todo caso, puedo contribuir -en la medida de mis posibilidades y deseos- en la dicha ajena (sin comprometer mi vida ni limitar mi propia felicidad) (por cierto, algo muy relativo).

Joy, hace años, solía hacer lo mismo que hizo “Eddie”, el chico de la película pero, he descubierto, que ya no me interesa volver a casarme: Tiene un costo demasiado alto y, para colmo, ya no quiero pagar ningún precio (nada lo vale y, lo que se compra, también se paga y se vende).

Si pudiera dar un consejo, a las generaciones venideras (que nunca me dieron y, si me lo dieron, nadie me explicó) diría: “Conserva tu virginidad para la persona que DIOS TRAERÁ A TU VIDA...”

Fui tan promiscuo, tan terco que, si alguien era especial, no la vi y, comparado con las personas de hoy, ya sé que voy en DECADENCIA, que un día no tendré erecciones a cada rato y, por el standard que la vida me “exige”, deseo permanecer en el celibato, en esta soledad (que no es sola ni aburrida ni triste) pues, más triste es que te hagan creer “un te amo” y termines siendo otra víctima de cualquier mentira y, cuando más sepas que amas a alguien, descubras el engaño de años, que te han sido infiel (con cualquier hombre o mujer) y, todo lo que puedas haber construido se vuelva abajo, porque ya no confiaré en mí -en nadie- y, si algo me queda de vida (o por vivir) lo confiaré sólo en Dios. Ya agoté mis recursos, dentro de lo que parecía posible.

He conocido a otras personas que dicen buscar el bien de la madre o su padre. He conocido hij@s proxenetas y madres o padres proxenetas y, la verdad, todavía me asombro pues, no estamos muy conscientes de que nos prostituimos o de que, indirectamente, prostituimos y comerciamos con los que decimos nuestros: “¡No te cases con ésta o éste! No tiene real...” “Cásate con aquella o aquel. Ese sí te resolverá y vivirás una vida tranquila”. ¡Pardiez! Somos una maravilla vendiendo “amor” a cambio de dinero.

Recuerdo, cuando niño, que expresé alguna simpatía a uno de esos amantes que tuvo mi progenitora... Siendo más honesto, prefería volviera con mi padre pero -de su parte- ella decidió su vida y, si me hubieran preguntado, habría dicho: “Este sí” o “aquel no” ¿Saben por qué? Por el puto dinero conque compraron mis afectos.

Hubo alguno de ellos que tenía una moto. Hecho el pendejo, yo gozaba cuando me paseaban o, cuando me llevaban en el auto y, al verdad (otra también) los novios de mis tías tendrían ventajas sobre otros varios: Si uno nos invitaba a comer aquí, otros me paseaban en un viaje a Mérida (o alguna casa por allá). Así que -sin quererlo o saberlo- me pusieron de chaperón, de alcahuete (proxeneta) y nadie me lo había dicho, hasta ahora que lo entiendo. ¡Qué balls!

En el fondo, cada persona, ha hecho este papel (arréchense si les arrecha). Puedo perdonarme por ello, puedo aceptarme por haber pensado MAL, por haber pensado de forma egoísta y egocéntrica pero, ello no me hace peor ni mejor que nadie... Aunque ya no le busque novia a papá.