Words to somebody

I´m another somebody like you and the difference is that I´m not married and surely will not marry a person so selfcentered, one who pushyly asks to be married and plays the detective as Dick Tracy trying to guess what my ideas or intentions are.
I know women often needs reaffirmations, tokens of love and many things some of us don´t need but, I would never ask a person to remove their past as if we could do it wiping the windshield of a car, just to play the games Dalilah played to seized and hurt Samson (and that ran$om).

There is an empty blank inside some relationship, I know how black or shiny realtionships could be but I don´t trust any person more than I trusted me. She often claims trust but I also said that I don´t trust a demanding person when I don´t know their intentions and also confessed I don´t trust God, completely, because I don´t know Him personally and I don´t see Him, so I can openly talk about those things I know I have a word to say to converse or to understand.

That emptiness is seen when a conversation is largely posponed or delayed and, concerning marriage or that love bond, an open conversation is needed to clearify doubts and emotional infirmities.

Sex is not a glue for a marriage. Children are not a tie, except for economic and legal reasons but, considering the mess outside the marriage (the lies some of us bored and liked to bear) it will be sound you chat with your spouse. You seem to be the hurt person, the loner and left alone without a fair consensus but, is there a better place outside a home and a real love bond?

There is an emotional divorce taking place in your lives... Paint cannot refurbish a house to make it a home but, is it too late to rebuild what could be made new?

The world hates me.

Girls / women aren´t too concern on love at my age, but on money (and the things they think they need as sex). I don´t regret telling you this, because these are the things I have seen (and widely lived out).

Additionally, as you are seeking advice, don´t show them you have self pity. They will see you "weak", "unlovable"... once you show you real concern and, perhaps, that is probably based on a recurrent rejection you might have felt (or so).

You are not a demon, you are not an evil and, the human EGO is the hardest thing to beat and conquer within yourself.

Besides, ABSOLUTELLY confirmed: Love is a gift! That is a God´s given gift.

Save a lot, work a lot! (Money is blindly $ought, and it´s needed to keep things going on)

Just look at Michael Jackson, he had problems to accept himself the color of his skin and the face he had and he did what he thought he needed to be accepted but, the real thing drawing people to him was: Money, Fame... Although I like his music, he was highly talented (but a loner somehow). So you´d better change that to avoid being a loner.

I´m a loner. I don´t regret it too much now and, besides, I´m happy because -one day- my search will be over (while I´m getting older).

May GOD give you a person WHO LOVES YOU for the person you are.

The thing is, when you get too much money -when you dress up the way they would like you more... Will they love you for the person you are? ( Or for the person they think you are? Or the one they think you should be? )

Will you change (and renounce) the person you really are?

Isn´t it that a denial of the person you actually are?

The most important thing in life is acceptance (self-acceptance). I know I can love a person who has got AIDS, who is sick or facing some temporal ailments but, one who feels self pity, one who wants me to be another person I am not, is a pain in the butt I cannot bear.

What´s wrong in you? I see nothing wrong and WITHIN YOU -your soul- is the real man you are: Just polish that inner man who has felt despised and hurt, because any nice present would come in a fancy box, with a beautiful red ribbon, but THE INSIDE OF EACH PERSON is what really matters, as a gift.

Stop hurting yourself, brother! You don´t deserve that.

The only person I know worths my resignation, my renouncing and surrendering of all is GOD.

There´s no one else who would give me THE BEST, than He.

Accept the man you are: He loves us the way we are: Big or fat, young or old.

He loves us all!

Let´s suppose you´ve got a haircut, What would be the next thing people would like to change in you?

Persons are easy to ask things, but meager to give them, instead.

In my case (this week) I tried to please the woman I liked and, expending the last night in her bedroom, she told me: "I don´t like your feet" ...

What? “Another thing”, I said to myself.

Wow! Do I have any power to make my feet be liked? Will I hide it with socks?

I have received two haircuts lately.

Each time I went her home she wanted me shaved and she -herself- cut my hair off, to help me get the "look" the way she liked me...

How could I change my feet to please her, this time (or another time)?

My understanding is this: If a person is not really liked, it is Ok but, if I don´t like myself, I would remain hopeless and, fortunately, my feet is an average feet, shoes number 7 (both) and these are complete and functional but, What about those who cannot walk, work or dance?

What if any tell them: "I don´t like you feet", "you leg", "your eyes", etc. That is simple rejection!

She (or he) is not lying when telling “their opinion”, but don´t dare to tell yours: They will hurt you the more.

Who am I to ask beauty, if I am not an Adonis, or a wealthy prince?

The world is so selfish, so mundane, that I regret telling you my secular life and this fresh experience I´m sharing, but I´m sure that there´s much more than appearance involved: Unholy rejection.

If a person is not accepted the person he is -as friends- he has the right to flee from those who lie with their hypocrisy or mild "kindness"; because no one is really ugly or beautiful (just within the mind of the person who perceives such ideas of ugliness or beauty).

As a man, I know what I can freely reject from a woman and also know what they reject; but I don´t have enough freedom to expose all I have learnt and also, I don´t have the permission to publish the opinions and those things my friends have said... Just one example (because I see this very personal):

I have a friend, a neighbor, who is married. We had a famous singer who lived in our tiny town and, the moment she married certain wealthy man, my friend said: "I wish I could marry a man like that. He is ugly, ugly as a sin... but he owns several universities (in Venezuela) and I wish I had married one like this... He is ugly, but beautifully rich".

That is not the view of all Christian women but, families, somewhat, had played the role of a pimp when telling their children: "Marry this" or "leave that man for this", because priorities are set on beauty, money, sex. etc. and, as Jesus said: "Your heart is where your treasure is". ( Mat_6:21, Luk_12:34 )

I agree and believe in Jesus, the Lord and the Christ; but we -too often- set values on earthly and corruptible temporal things.

I had two haircuts in two weeks but -inwardly- I am the same and, of course, I will not change by outer means.

Acceptance, too, is another form of love and I spent years to accept myself; because I used to think the way the world wanted me to think and Jesus said:

Joh 15:18 "If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.

Joh 7:7 The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I say that what everyone does is evil.

Joh 15:19 If you had anything in common with the world, the world would love you as one of its own. But you don't have anything in common with the world. I chose you from the world, and that's why the world hates you.

May His grace reach us all.

A.T.

Buscando novia a papá

Hace años (c. 1970) hubo una serie televisiva con este titulo (The courtship of Eddie´s father). Creo era la primera vez que vi allí al actor Bill Bixby, a quien tomaron luego en la película Hulk. ¿Recuerdan la trama?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=lgODEkn015E

Un papá viudo (o soltero) que tenía la bonita amistad de su pequeño hijo casamentero... ¿No sería por ello que, de algún modo, mi amistad con mi hijo Josh deseaba un milagro semejante, justo cuando me divorciase de mi ex-esposa?

Sea lo que sea, yo era un niño esos años, cuando veía la serie y, desde luego, me encariñé con todo lo que aprendí de las emociones de ambos y, naturalmente, también tuve la fantasía de que mi hijo sirviera al mismo fin: Volverme a casar. Sin embargo, ¿Cómo casarme? Si no afirmo -positivamente- cualquier aspecto deseable de cualquier persona que se acerque a mi vida. De mi parte, estoy convencido que:

1. Sólo puedo dar lo que tengo.
2. Sólo doy lo que quiero
3. Sólo doy lo que me es posible.
4. Y, resumidamente: La gente no para de exigir o pedir ¿Cómo saber lo que está dispuesta a dar?

No es lógico que, arbitrariamente, yo descalifique a cualquier persona que -milagrosamente- desee acercarse a mi vida y conocer mi soledad. ¿Qué tantos amigos conservo en la amistad de años y décadas? ¿Qué tanto prosperará mi vida filial o familiar, si el tiempo se me va y, por otra parte, es poca la gente que hable claro, que no te exprese la verdad (su verdad) con sinceridad.

Alex, mi hija adoptiva, es totalmente diferente a mis hijos biológicos... Ayer, sólo en un rato, me dijo cosas que me desarman, no porque tema ser vulnerable o débil con ella (eso no me importa) sino que, con sus 7 años sabe ver en mi alma y, más aún, en lo que veo en las almas de las personas.

Ella, extrañada de mi distanciamiento de estos días, me hizo preguntas y, tratando de explicar (más que excusarme) dio en el clavo en esas cosas que, yo también, coincido con ella y, la verdad, por pequeñas y grandes cosas como estas, es que no quiero morir día a día, sino para dedicarme a ayudarla, a educarla, junto a cualquier niño o niña que tenga esa capacidad de ver al alma por encima de la vanidad o temporalidad de las apariencias.

“Buscando novia a papá” representa un clamor de cada niño o niña que desea que su madre o su padre esté con la persona idónea: La mejor posible. Representa un sueño que murió el mismo día que murió mi padre y nunca pude hacer nada para que mamá o papá volvieras¡n y se amaran pues, pocas veces les vi felices, satisfechos o contentos.

Este año supe más de mi mamá y su relaciones. En diciembre 2013 supe más de cosas que, para mi desegrado, no podré corroborar con papá pero, sea lo que sea, seguiré creyendo en el amor, en la necesidad de amar y confiar, aunque seamos unos depredadores sexuales, unos depredaores económicos y oportunistas de cama y cama, porque sí creo en el amor; aunque, cada quien, ponga un precio distinto a su cama o un precio inalcanzable a su lecho pues, el amor no es sólo sexo y, va mucho más allá de un “polvo”, una nalga descubierta; sino que amar es convivir con un corazón abierto, una mente vulnerable y segura a las verdades, con cada temor (mío y ajeno) y, a esta edad, no me queda mucho por temer o vencer y, ciertamente, hasta puedo admitir que -mucha infelicidad e infidelidad- se debe a las ideas absurdas que esconde cada pareja, en particular: Si todos supiéramos lo que cada quien se oculta, los divorcios aumentarían pero, cada persona es responsable de sí, y de quien dice amar.

Soy responsable de mis sueños y de mis anhelos. No es responsabilidad de nadie mi dicha. No soy responsable por la dicha ajena y, en todo caso, puedo contribuir -en la medida de mis posibilidades y deseos- en la dicha ajena (sin comprometer mi vida ni limitar mi propia felicidad) (por cierto, algo muy relativo).

Joy, hace años, solía hacer lo mismo que hizo “Eddie”, el chico de la película pero, he descubierto, que ya no me interesa volver a casarme: Tiene un costo demasiado alto y, para colmo, ya no quiero pagar ningún precio (nada lo vale y, lo que se compra, también se paga y se vende).

Si pudiera dar un consejo, a las generaciones venideras (que nunca me dieron y, si me lo dieron, nadie me explicó) diría: “Conserva tu virginidad para la persona que DIOS TRAERÁ A TU VIDA...”

Fui tan promiscuo, tan terco que, si alguien era especial, no la vi y, comparado con las personas de hoy, ya sé que voy en DECADENCIA, que un día no tendré erecciones a cada rato y, por el standard que la vida me “exige”, deseo permanecer en el celibato, en esta soledad (que no es sola ni aburrida ni triste) pues, más triste es que te hagan creer “un te amo” y termines siendo otra víctima de cualquier mentira y, cuando más sepas que amas a alguien, descubras el engaño de años, que te han sido infiel (con cualquier hombre o mujer) y, todo lo que puedas haber construido se vuelva abajo, porque ya no confiaré en mí -en nadie- y, si algo me queda de vida (o por vivir) lo confiaré sólo en Dios. Ya agoté mis recursos, dentro de lo que parecía posible.

He conocido a otras personas que dicen buscar el bien de la madre o su padre. He conocido hij@s proxenetas y madres o padres proxenetas y, la verdad, todavía me asombro pues, no estamos muy conscientes de que nos prostituimos o de que, indirectamente, prostituimos y comerciamos con los que decimos nuestros: “¡No te cases con ésta o éste! No tiene real...” “Cásate con aquella o aquel. Ese sí te resolverá y vivirás una vida tranquila”. ¡Pardiez! Somos una maravilla vendiendo “amor” a cambio de dinero.

Recuerdo, cuando niño, que expresé alguna simpatía a uno de esos amantes que tuvo mi progenitora... Siendo más honesto, prefería volviera con mi padre pero -de su parte- ella decidió su vida y, si me hubieran preguntado, habría dicho: “Este sí” o “aquel no” ¿Saben por qué? Por el puto dinero conque compraron mis afectos.

Hubo alguno de ellos que tenía una moto. Hecho el pendejo, yo gozaba cuando me paseaban o, cuando me llevaban en el auto y, al verdad (otra también) los novios de mis tías tendrían ventajas sobre otros varios: Si uno nos invitaba a comer aquí, otros me paseaban en un viaje a Mérida (o alguna casa por allá). Así que -sin quererlo o saberlo- me pusieron de chaperón, de alcahuete (proxeneta) y nadie me lo había dicho, hasta ahora que lo entiendo. ¡Qué balls!

En el fondo, cada persona, ha hecho este papel (arréchense si les arrecha). Puedo perdonarme por ello, puedo aceptarme por haber pensado MAL, por haber pensado de forma egoísta y egocéntrica pero, ello no me hace peor ni mejor que nadie... Aunque ya no le busque novia a papá.

Loved love

Something in me tells WE all die to love or be loved. Something -deep inside- insists on telling me all of us die to enjoy this or enjoy that but, is it self-seeking feeling and something really selfish and sticky?

I cannot stop myself from looking at God, the moment He started to create The World with Jesus... What was he thinking about? What did they have as common agreement?

It sounds naive they needed to be worshiped, particularly when they probably have made angels and more creatures.

It sounds weird they felt alone, having needs they were unable to fill or fulfill.

I just look at the moment Adam sinned. Were they stuck in that present of the Creation? Were they limited to see the future we don´t see in the present?

Adam lacked something he knew the moment he saw Eve. It sounds childish God wasn´t aware of human needs and unveiled longings and, if inadvertently ignored any of them, was He blind or Jesus?: He gave us His nature, also.

Dogs or cats shared a couple of things with me, as a rare human. They know whom they like and those they don´t. The have their time to piss up and their moment to seek more “loving” attention... Are we a product of such a cosmic evolution many insist on?

These days I remembered some cartoon I used to watch on TV. If I had had the control we have now to pick the program and the channel, I would have learned more from life and those painstaking lesson TV programs tried to retrieve from real life (Some TV programs served me as a schoolroom).

Did you like the Krazy Cat cartoon series?

I disbelieved there were people like that. I blindly doubted there were people like that but, the one who worked on those drawings knew it from another side...

Will you love someone who hurts you and undermines all your human being?

I hoped none would say “Yes”, but that is not my choice. I hope no one would say: “I have been there, and it hurts”.

Just look at these words someone has said, perhaps in a narrow-minded situation:

"What I absolutely need is:

Someone who has never been married

Someone who does not drink

Someone who does not smoke

Someone who does not do drugs

Someone who does not have children

Someone who lives in (blank) or who can move here

Someone who does not have sex outside of marriage

Also I don´t believe in living together before marriage

Very important to know: I am a virgin and I have no interest in sex... I am likely asexual... A huge plus if God made you that way too. "

How come a hurt-me not, like this, will be helped to be found or match-made?

She said she is asexual (or likely) so, 1. Does she need to be married? 2. Will she be found by another virgin and pure man?

A picky person does not help his/ her situation. Some ailments -and mental illness- helps but too little (or nothing) to be cherished up to the last earthly breath.

Sometimes we open our windows without any shade and, I´m the kind of person who -sometimes- loves (and try to know) below the outer surface...

If I had had the chance I wouldn´t have watched the things I have seen and many of those I can give an account. I know that, part of the present day feminist movement, comes from several sorts of physical, emotional and sexual abuse and harassment and, most of those who back this up were abused, no matter the gender but, would you love someone like that mouse?

She is tall he is short.

She has good shape. He is bad and ugly (compared to several mice cartoons have had).

He is cheeky, selfish and unkind (completely detestable, if he was a person).

I see her Christian-like and, the mouse, another rat to be left...

If I were asked to show whom I like I surely would say I like that Krazy Kat. She sees the positive within the mice´s animosity. She insist on loving while that mouse is trowing bricks at her... No! I don´t to be like that, but she is lovable.

I had a friend whom I used to say I needed a brick to kiss her cheek. She was taller than I am and, when that wasn´t possible (I said) I would step up into the sidewalk, just to place her near the road to see her we were alike... Ha! Ha!

My brother´s GF is behaving like that kitty. She always sighs at looking his pictures and I make some jokes to see how deeply she loves mu brother (I hope he gets his firstborn).

She stares at a picture where I was with my brother and says nice things any person would enjoy (perhaps my brother would not pay to much attention). She daydreams the moment “their baby” comes and looks like my brother was (here´s where I told things to hear how she likes him the most).

Do you love that way? Have you ever loved like a crazy person?

There were more movies I have seen. One of those I have liked was “Click”, with Adam Sandler. Did you like that part where he fell down running and sadly died?

Did you feel the pain of loosing a loved one and, soon after, regaining that what was solely yours?

No doubt I felt jealous when Adam Sandler lost his wife for another: He played the fool we somehow are...

We, like that mouse, have goofed to the most. We hurt and finally, have been hurt, to be healed...

Yet, it should be recognized we don´t always belong!

We´ve made mistakes, we have hurt, and I don´t plan to be always picky. Will you?

What would be the end result for a mouse?

What would be the final outcome for a person who always rejects those who love him/her for the person he/she really is?

When I was a child a little girl came to show me what love was... I wish I could remember what her face was, much more of this foggy memory I have got for 4 decades but, I think she came into my life for a reason.

I can see her father´s car (a white Volkswagen) but I cannot see her hands or face. Each time I see her, I see the loving attitude she had toward me and those bonds I didn´t realize we started to create any simple day. Sometimes I think she was my soul mate, someone who thought the way I was but, I was so afraid of loving her (of loving me) that I often ran away from her attentions: I think I was a hurt-me not before I was a hermit (a secular one).

Have you ever loved a person you knew you would miss?

Will you commit to love a person you know you would miss or leave, any moment?

I think I knew my limits those days. Her parents were aware I was teased all around that house by her loving but, one night, I let she sit by my side while I was look those stars shining in a clear sky... My life was changed and I don´t know how I turned to be hardened, for some reasons I have ignored.

A Krazy Kat will love you the way you are. A crazy friend -like this- will respect the person you are and, unconditionally, will give much more than you possibly give.

I forgot her name, her face, her likes.

Something, deep in me, has hidden I was older than she was and, if my memory fails, I think it was the first time I played hide & seek, because it was love at first sight.

What are those names you think were forgotten?

What are those persons you´ve badly missed?

That mouse -of that movie- was afraid of being loved by someone bigger than he thought he was. He was afraid of being hugged or liked and, as shocking as it is, many of us are the same...

It´s OK you have your sexual drives and your social-material expectations but, if you were all alone in a remote island, will you love the one who comes?

The truth is many of us are stuck at our emotional standoffish, mentally isolated in our “social” lagoons and we still live afraid of loving beyond personal known limits.

I haven´t stopped this dissociative habit, but I´m doing it step by step and -pitifully- within the atmosphere were pagans are -or where I could be one hurting-me not.

The good Samaritan parable gave me an outstanding example to see how we are to avoid risks for fears of being endangered. It says “there were some men who passed by and did not helped” (Luke 10:31-32). There was a second class citizen (from Samaria) who endured such a risk of being vulnerable...

Luk 10:34 The Samaritan went to him and poured olive oil and wine on his wounds.

Luk 10:34 He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him.

Will you care those for who need to be healed?

I have done it (though I cannot repay what I have received from friends who met me on my wrong way).

I have endangered, though I know my limits and people´s limits (as well the present law of the country I live).

Those who know we are hurt-me not know our boundaries, our fears, etc., but some still behave like that good Samaritan...

Just allow me to be entertained with the thought I have seen several of you who have done what is right -and lawful- according to God´s will and, that His peace (and love) grow more within you.

"Love ya!" (and hurt-me not). :)

A.T.

Honor those who love you.

As a present, daydreaming or writing to a future spouse, is not bad. If any person you think of would fit daydreaming is alive and somewhere she or he is, I would keep on written dreams: You are writing to the "object" of your present idealized love and to the "subject" of your love (even to the innermost YOU who longs to make dreams come true).

When you honestly write, you leave a record of your emotions, desires and dreams. If you want to be well understood, keep them going on. If you want to know more about YOURSELVES, during certain stage of your life (or that moment of your emotions) just make it as a paper records its time.

Time by time, if the persons "was" not either the object or subject of your words, if he/she wasn´t THE SOUND of those words you solely spelled... Just keep on to know you the more! (and do not share those secret emotions you addressed thinking in another person who is gone, somehow).

If those words serve to teach your, or others, get a fake moniker and publish them online (just to check the way you were and to correct any possible fault you had hidden inside your self).

Certain day, when I was getting divorced I went to my ex-wife´s house. I saw there weren´t any. My children were gone and, also, my ex and, surprisingly, I saw the door unlocked as it was shut (a very rare thing over there).

I stepped in.

I searched inside I saw the mess they normally had and have... (One of the reasons I left them). But I decided to be creative, since I had two cans of paints, so I decided to paint their windows and their main door...

While I was doing so, I needed a piece of paper to clean something I don´t remember what was. I tried to find old newspapers inside, but I couldn´t, except when I saw several papers that looked out of the trash can I never saw.

I swept the floor a little and, quickly, I saw there were too many pieces torn, of the same papers and, I had an idea when reading these belonged to hers...

I reconstructed the mayority of those pieces I have found on the floor. I knew how to bond and glue all of them, I was picking up them to understand the whole issue...

These were LOVE LETTERS. These were all those my ex-wife was writing to her lover...

I felt I hate her the most.

I felt jealous because I NEVER saw she wrote things -like that- for me. Of course it was THEIR INTIMACY I saw (from her perspective), but I also read she was aware he was a known cheater in town, the one she was ready to keep on fighting to get him back, although she knew he was married to another... (omitting details for respect of your eyes, your minds and the kids who could read this).

I felt my anger flowing and I knew I could kill a man for adulterer...

I felt I rejected, myself, because I came "home" and I tried to amend those things unsorted and, because of their absence, I started to paint their door, their windows, just to leave them a simple present, “a surprise”... But I was me who got sadly surprised. :(

I have lived to be strong, mentally healthy, smart, and so on.

It was a lesson I learned the hard way (I only cheated -on her- once during 13 years) and this pain healed my entire life because, before I was Christian, I was a cheater and a promiscuous man: Some sins have to be paid!

I don´t remember having written a letter for a spouse I´ve planned to meet any day on a date. I know I have written too many things for the people I have met and those I have left...

After divorce, I became a "bloggist" and I let my steam be off by writing, publicly, with all what I´ve felt.

I was so hurt, sinking deep in self-pity and sorrow, that I thought life was meaningless, worth of nothing and -any day- I pulled (3 times) the trigger of my big fire gun... The last time I planned to blow my head pulling it, I thought about my son Joshua. I thought about many things. I even thought God "was so selfish and deaf" because He never said: "Don´t do it" or "Stop it! Because I love you".

So, if you think your past can help another to know you: Re-write it in a new personal approach to win the person who now dares to LOVE YOU, the way you are.

He/she doesn´t need to know your past: Except when you are highly depressive or suicidal. (A thing I am not, however I´m strong willed and quick to react against injustice).

Do not let them know how much you´ve loved ANOTHER... Do you want to see their jealousy or anger confused and frustrated?

Do not let them know how much you´ve missed those who left you nor those you left: Your past is passed... (They will love you at the PRESENT state you are).

Hope they never try to change you...

It might sound ironic when They haven´t change themselves, but are so quick and willing to change or coach another´s refurbishment. ;)

How foolish these are!

Give honor those who deserve it... Keep the records of your faults (to avoid repeating them, and do not let these be used to hurt you).

"Forgive, to be forgiven" (Jesus)

A.T.

Some Phobias

My grandmother disliked snakes. If she ever saw them on TV, it was the same reaction of fear and disagreement. I know people who hates worm and react those ways you can never imagine: These are their bigger fears.

I have hear the ostrich hides her face on the ground. I have seen cartoon doing that, but I haven´t seen them in real life (I need to watch a trustworthy video where they hide and run, by way). The truth is they fight and defend themselves (When threatened, ostriches run away, but they can cause serious injury and death with kicks from their powerful legs. Their legs can only kick forward.Contrary to popular belief, ostriches do not bury their heads in sand. This myth likely began with Pliny the Elder (AD 23–79), who wrote that ostriches "imagine, when they have thrust their head and neck into a bush, that the whole of their body is concealed." This may have been a misunderstanding of their sticking their heads in the sand to swallow sand and pebbles, or, as National Geographic Society suggests, of the defensive behavior of lying low, so that they may appear from a distance to have their head buried.). (http://eol.org/data_objects/24070383#cite_note-Donegan_2002-12)

What are you afraid of? (Don´t tell me! You´re being watched)

I know what many people are afraid of. Horror movies are nothing compared to those things people hide (or think could be hidden) while research is being done on the net each person surfs while runs away form their Phobias.

Recently I went to hospitals where I saw a man who was afraid at seeing transfusion needles. I knew I could feel dismayed at being present in an operating theatre, looking at people´s bleeding, when their flesh is being cut; but I´m new at those who forget where they received the injection of a needle few hours before (or yesterday): This is the same reaction “an ostrich” shows to hid their inmost fears...

Yes! This is not a condition, but an emotional reaction, just like closing the eyes when seeing a dangerous thing too close to our eyes: We shut the mind! (to “feel” we´ve run from the danger).

At risk or horrors, people cry or scream. Some show their tears, they get red or use their fits. How knows all those fears?

There was a nice thin young girl I knew she was terrified or angry. Her skin changed like the chicken skin. I guess it was something like those animals changed their color as well as their mood: They won´t run, but it was a “warn”, their alert alarm (just like those horses you see they moved their ears when they felt someone is molesting and, if you don´t stop it, they can bite or hit you).

Not too many people can make a “cone” using their tongue. That´s something deep in the mind´s wirings that makes you to be like that, to reach one way or another.

Who knows you well? (God does) but I´m sure there are some fears no research has been done: How vulnerable we are when we try to hide and run from those truths we think we lie.

One of my grannies used to call us when she felt she was about to die. She did that too many times, that I thought she was “eternal”, but she died at her 90´s. Sometime before, I spent some time with her, reading the Bible at midnight, but I felt I missed her a lot, because I was used to looking at her clear eyes and, that time, she was in a bed, closed eyed, while I was unsure she would listen: There wasn´t a real way I knew we interacted that time.

I´m happy that, my other grandmother, held my hand when she was taken to the hospital... She hated snakes, but she loved people as much as she could give from her simple life.

I think

sometimes, I cannot close my eyes
to breathe in the air she leaves going by.

I just tried to figured out
and I felt fainted: Shot at my eyes.

I don´t think I could breathe
with a sigh, holding back enough air.

Just to hide - with a lie-
I´m not feeling alive, once again.


A.T.