1. Ask her how she sleeps!
That could give you an idea of how you would rest those nights you needed… Ask if she sleeps backwards or with her cheeks on her pillow. If you dig enough on it, she surely let you know you´d need a queen size bed or a pair of beds to sleep alone (particularly if she snores a lot).
2. Ask her how many times a year she might have felt butterflies in her stomach. If she tells you “there have been several times that same year...” she probably have helminths... So, you´d better take her to the doctor! ;) If ou could find some other way to know she surely loves you (for being the man you actually are) please! Tell me you´re not having those feelings of doubts I would feel unsecured. :(
3. Asap you started to date, please! Ask her how she´s used to share her life with her loved ones. If she had previous children, if she cares for them because those are still under her custody, economically dependant and young under her roof, it´s adviceful to know how your life will be together when that relationship goes on any further. Take them with you two (once in a while when both agreed on) and learn how you would deal will that coarse change: The moment you are with them you´re their “guest” (not the host, even in a meeting outdoors) so what´s your place then? Inside their house you´re not a family member but an acquaintance, so give them space enough to see how she shares, at the same time with you. A lot of her attentions will be selfishly asked (or re-directed) to her former loved ones: It doesn´t matter you´re the host! And all her previous bonds (blood and emotional) are with them… It will be good to know, practically, how your life will be with them! If you bought a new house (or rent an apartment) it won´t be easy to lead them without a high cost (or price). They have “a dad” and it won´t be good to buy them with bribing or paying their bills (that it won´t be the best way to see how she shares with them). If their actual dad is alive (and influencing his kids) the two of you would need to adjust too many things and I´d dare to say it´s hard when her sons (or yours) are males. That´s unstable sand! Would you like a foster father? Have you learned to deal with that?
4. Ask her if she likes to have guests her new home! (Are you the kind of husband who enjoys the inlaws?) You´re not the only one with rights a new house. If you too have children like she could have, none of them is less (neither more) unless you´re the one paying the rent and the costs. Does she likes your family? Do you like regular visits? How long will you take your family her home? I hope your kids enjoy her as much as her kids could love you but, what about inlaws? The ghost of jealousy could visit any of you… That´s good to be dealt with a piece of paper to write down those rules and negotiations…
5. Ask her how is she used to spend (or to get) money? Most of the women I have seen and known do love to spend money… When you go out, will you pay the bills with her money or it be yours? Last week, when a mutual old friend came to visit my ex-wife and I in town, I saw she still likes to make decisions on the money I do have in my wallet (I told her twice, that it was wrong). Is she the one who likes to pay her bills, or the one who likes you to pay for them? If she instantly calls you “stingy” or “meager”, be sure who is that cheap person … The mutual friend who came to visit my hometown brought his son and his ex-wife... That woman paid for what they consumed at my ex-wife´s business and, the moment they wanted to buy eggs to bring their home, I knew he had no cash with him, so I offered my money borrowed (he was ashamed I offered my help)... and, before they left, I knew it was their son´s birthday!… I don´t know if that woman also paid the sushi she had planned to give her son, as a present… But, since you don´t know things well (neither do I) I´m not prone to think my friend is stingy but I´m sure his ex-wife is not, either.
6. One ramdom thought:
Are you a giver? Ask yourselves this 1st. Meagerness if also shown the way we behave emotionally, even the way we write or say things. No one likes to marry a problem but laziness produces those problems before marriage and, while I was reading “You can beat the money squeeze” (of George and Marjean Fooshe, 1980) I read that one friend of him received a bottle of champagne for his wedding. With it came a card that read, “Don´t open this until your are out of debt”. His friend laughingly told him that after 15 years of marriage, the champagne was still unopened… Are you the sort of people who loves to give (or to receive).
7. It might be that you´ve heard what her crushes are… If she is open enough you will hear how much she talks of the things she likes, particularly when she plans to buy things but, in an honest talk, you can ask her what are the men she felt a recurrent crush. She will tell you she loves candies, particular things she wanted to receive but, that man ou don´t know, is somewhere there (even they said they loved the Lord Jesus). Will you live that life out with that rivality in a perpetual competence? I´m old now but I do remember my grandmamma and her sighs. My foster granddad never showed he was jealous but I felt it disgusting she sighed at watching those actors she liked playing their roles in soup operas. Of course, she could have lied! But when an engaged person still has those crushes for one, two or more people, that´s telling me I should be competing to get her love (or exclusive attentions) and, of course, that´s a kind of insecurity I have seen around while other men crept into somebody´s else life (and their beds). Do you think my granddad was happier by knowing it? I know he cheated on her sometimes and, what about today, when a lady works outside her home, with too many “charming” men wooing without red flags… Each time I looked at girls I liked I was telling my wife secretly: “I don´t like you enough” or “I wished I had married one of those I missed”. If your present girlfriend hides her “natural” crushes, be sure she doesn´t have it beyond safety limits (like you). That´s not fair for both of you! And remember Jesus´ words: “Mat 5:28 But I tell you that if you look at another woman and want her, you are already unfaithful in your thoughts.”
7. It might be that you´ve heard what her crushes are… If she is open enough you will hear how much she talks of the things she likes, particularly when she plans to buy things but, in an honest talk, you can ask her what are the men she felt a recurrent crush. She will tell you she loves candies, particular things she wanted to receive but, that man ou don´t know, is somewhere there (even they said they loved the Lord Jesus). Will you live that life out with that rivality in a perpetual competence? I´m old now but I do remember my grandmamma and her sighs. My foster granddad never showed he was jealous but I felt it disgusting she sighed at watching those actors she liked playing their roles in soup operas. Of course, she could have lied! But when an engaged person still has those crushes for one, two or more people, that´s telling me I should be competing to get her love (or exclusive attentions) and, of course, that´s a kind of insecurity I have seen around while other men crept into somebody´s else life (and their beds). Do you think my granddad was happier by knowing it? I know he cheated on her sometimes and, what about today, when a lady works outside her home, with too many “charming” men wooing without red flags… Each time I looked at girls I liked I was telling my wife secretly: “I don´t like you enough” or “I wished I had married one of those I missed”. If your present girlfriend hides her “natural” crushes, be sure she doesn´t have it beyond safety limits (like you). That´s not fair for both of you! And remember Jesus´ words: “Mat 5:28 But I tell you that if you look at another woman and want her, you are already unfaithful in your thoughts.”
I hope you´ll be blessed with a woman like this Prov. 31:10-30
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