Hospitals

Today I had to visit one hospital for some tests on my heart.
I'm the type of person who seldom goes there, but I had
to check how it functions to see I'd resists the
medical treatment to kill the leishmania.

I saw people's faces,
concerned and feeling pains.
Their fears in sorrow,
their blood, their veins.

I felt how some may feel
the way they looked constrained.
There's blood, pissed up...
And all of these are vain?

Some are grieved
some are hurt
I saw their faces
I saw their pain.

Besides -within these-
there's a malign campaign:
Now, I opened the eyes.
We don't want to be there,

Money is sought,
Tears are shared.
And with a hug
someone's there.

My heart is broken
I've found no tear.
No place to run
I have some fears.

My heart is faulty.
I thought it strong.
Don't want to live it.
I wish I'm gone.

Don't know to sort it.
I wish my home.
This fear I let off.
I ain't buy hopes gone.

I'm not yet dying,
It's slow to go.
I wish I'm gone
This fear is on.

They're badly sad.
I saw that face.
They want their home.
As human race.

Some cried aloud,
Just few smiled.
I saw their blood,
their pain around.


I wish I'd receive my treatment now.
I don't want to spend any more day.


Money is sought,
All hopes're spent;
while many mourn,
I'm home again.

Legs or faces are broken.

Restless nights with longer days...

I'm really glad
That's not my case.

Would God Expect Women To Work Like A Male ?

Well, I am puzzled too.

I played the role of a mother, some time ago (my Joshua is 19 years now and Elisha 17). I wanted to give Josh my best. I never played with "dolls", so that time gave me the chance to learn from my own 1st baby (Elisha wasn´t planned, so I was screwed up in raising two kids).

Time passed by and I know HOW I failed. My ex-wife was a GOOD help. She made more money than me, but money NEVER reached "our" expectations, and diapers and ALL that stuff wasn´t cheap (as you now know).

For me, as a father (and half mother) Ha! Ha! I knew how to hug them the way you like (and I never liked having had one brother at the place I knew as "home" and my mother gave us more brothers and a LOVING STRONG sister).

As a family, man and woman have to settle down what ECONOMY the would LIKE to live and what THEY WOULD LIKE TO ENJOY (make it in a written paper, to avoid forgetting that contract of the economy of their marriage).

The moment I asked my ex-wife to take car of babies, followed my resignation from the job I was getting PART of the money my children needed (my ex-wife was -and IS- good to make money).


After some experiences and learning from other people, you´d have your own opinion (and defending position) on that.

Time WILL TELL YOU MISSED important time while you were working in a PC or in a office to make your children look better, to be dressed up and look fine to "your" eyes (because secretly you didn´t want to be LOOKED DOWN). Time will tell you MANY things you´d like to ignore closing your eyes. Of course! Some children may say: "You don´t love me" or "YOU DIDN´T LOVE ME" (My daughter JOY told me that, because her mom pushed her to think that receiving MONEY IS receiving LOVE; but I know how I love and LOVED her (and all).

Inside the room, YOUR HOME, there is a lot of WORK you won´t never be paid (you don´t need to, by the way). Those days you looked after your child watching all those nights to control the fever, his/her coughing (etc) (etc) won´t be paid. Firstly, THEY CAME HERE because you "called" them to be with you (no child has come without a sexual invitation) (only those you have adopted). 2ndly, that job won´t be paid because it is the best job GOD HAS GIVEN A MAN AND HIS WOMAN (Thank YOU, Lord, for that blessing I enjoyed). 3erly, IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I have to know more deeply my father´s feelings, my GRANDMOTHER´S TOILS, how I was raised and, the last, I KNEW MORE ABOUT GOD WHEN BEING ME, as father (not the best, not the worst) and as temporal "mother".

I hope these ideas serve any of you, unpaid labors who love (and loved) their children and those days that are to pass by. 

To a heartbroken person...

Stories of broken hearted people is ENDLESS, everywhere on earth (and also in Heaven, where I guess someone misses human love).

That pain of being left is selfish, parly. I know it since I grow and grew with it.

When we hurted people, when we left them alone -contrary to their loving will- they suffered that pain and, often, we were not completely conscious of the broken heart we left and the wrong things we did.

When we were left by them, we were aware of the pain, we knew how it hits, and this time we know how it hurts (the lesson serves to avoid hurting or being hurt).

 My life have both extremes and recently, I fell in love with one woman I adjusted to match (the whole thing is long and wrong, and I won´t repeat on telling those blogs I have posted) and that ended on Sept. 2012.

I know I had it a pure feeling, honest love. I could have it in the sensual sense or as a sexual relationship, but I stopped it before it was too late, because I was deeply involved with her.

The thing here, as a broken hearted man, when you knew you got the wrong person, we have to accept their refusal, their leaving away, their choice for another person... All are free to do it, to choose for another (if not married, because it is a long-termed commitment).

This year, by the way, I met with someone I have loved for more than 20 years. Innerly, as a secret, I planned that one day I could meet her to marry her (the way I thought I knew her) but, after some hours of re-encounter with a group of people, I found out I was wrong, she was not the one I thought she was and not the one I thought she would be when being Christian, so I´m glad I know I was wronged by my ideas and not others.

Do you like to find yourself being cheated, to find out you have loved an adulterer?

I´m glad he left you! No matter how painfully it is today, little girl.

I have liked many songs of JOURNEY. Steve Perry seemed to have lived some of his songs but, as I have seen, "love" is an idealization, a dream seldom found.

Hope you find him!

Emotional Loneliness. Is this an issue today?

I don´t think it as an option, you can change it or endure that... 

For example, I recently got a cat and I couldn´t keep it for three reasons, as I saw these: 

1) Her feeding was out of "my budget" or daily income (if I call it that way). 

2) The job I irregularly do takes me out home too often, and 

3) She was too demanding, I´m used to my passsed by dog... (But I loved the way she was). 

These same things apply for people, as well as other reasons for their being alone or emotionally isolated (I know some people cannot walk, cannot see... and more). 

I just let these things for you to consider some reasons that could be keeping you in a situation that leads you (or someone) to how you feel (or them), the way you are (or them) and no matter there is a family (since I have 3 children). 

I live alone, in a mountain, with no relationship with my neighbors (because I don´t like the way they are, for example) and many dislike to look at people eyes or their needs. You can live in an apartment and, each time you get into an elevator, you avoid looking at people´s eyes and, if they say "hello", you are mute or suddenly deaf. 

Prayers do heal people, but my actitude spoils it -as well as yours- and those may be hindered to get your way out. 

Find out how to cope with loneliness, your actitude and live ONE DAY AFTER A DAY. 

I enjoy sharing with people who are accesible and open minded IN THE STREETS. 

If you are secluded, the CC and other sites may help you find some relief or a definitive way to sort these out. 

Allow me to say that I wish God may look on those who feel alone or the sadness of loneliness, same way I have see it here and elsewhere.

Does marriage matter?

Well! I married once and that lasted for 13 years. Now I´m divorced and I know marriage is not a bullet proof jacket… If I love (and feel specially loved) I don´t mind being married twice, but THAT CONTRACT is not a love guarantee. I´m not interested in having children (I got 3) I´m concerned in sharing my life with one who has Christian/jews habits, a nice and intelligent woman, who believes in God and understands His teachings. Freedom is not an issue but BELONGING to one another… 

It´s God's miracle to be united as ONE. And marriage, as a contract has to be seen as it is: A risky contract, and investment and I understand why some may skip it. I don´t see a sin living without it. The sin is cheating or having two (or more) “lovers”. 

The commitment should be LOVE and exclusive sex. I spent much of my life to learn this lately. Me and my ex-wife regreted having married one another without knowing who we really were or expected in such a long-term relationship. Marrying, without God´s guidance, is a fake feeling. It´s a pity not having God just at the corner or around our neighborhood to listen to His direct advice: It´s a lesson we pay with pains and $, but better to face it than depraving or missing a portion of this life.

Amistad... Quizá es solo otra IDEALIZACIÓN.

¿Acaso sólo el que te comenten bien por algo, hace que descubras un amigo o que con algo se construya una verdadera amistad?

Se puede ser tan superficial o profundo como uno quiera (o la oportunidad nos permita) pero LAS PERLAS están más abajo de la superficie del agua y, a demás, dentro de una ostra, enconchada... La misma analogía aplica a las piedras preciosas, que están bajo la superficie de la tierra, que requieren cierto trabajo para lograr alcanzarlas...

Reply to: "Older women and younger men"

Allow me to tell, according to my experience: I never like older women. Today youngs, both men or women, try to learn from the older ones and, in the case of women, some may call her cougars (I don´t know why) except that having younger people by sides makes you to feel younger. 

Tina Turner may call that "successful", like many others who has got what they like and, ALL are free to get the partner any could be given (GOD-GIVEN) but I can assure what I have heard from the people I have met is sordid. Old women still having fantacies like teenagers (I knew one who wanted 2 men in bed and this also fell in love with a man of 25) She is 43 yearsd old!

What do I have in common with a teen? What do I have in common with a foreigner in a remote country I cannot walk in her culture or economy? 

LOVE seems to be a need EVERYWHERE, but the commonwealth of ideas, likes, and a bunch of things do matter to make it successfully; because beauty and health may fade away. 

Older people can be ill-biased. Teens are those who risk themselves to start a new relationship at ease, and I had a forty-niner friend who married 5 times (From USA, by the way). 

Marriage has to be given by God. It´s not based on beauty, a nice roof richly kept or sex. It´s a miracle to find one and a miracle to be found. 

So I remember those words Jesus said about "the eunuch"...