In considering some of questions you asked, Internet served me A LOT to drain my frustrations when I was in the process of divorce, years ago. I was hurt and I guess I was hurting people for those things I said and, but the way, GOD sent me a Catholic friend who helped me to be healed and she, with love, helped me to overcome that sorrow, bitterness, and we became dear friends (we never met personally, but that helped me more than I guess).
On the internet I learned to know me deeply or, if this wasn't like that, my emotional mind was shaped because of the personal or emotional intercourse I got with people online reading my stuff, poetry, blogs or whatever rubbish thin I wrote. I kept files of those things I considered important and, being in the process of being divorced, feeling myself despised, etc., I knew I was guilty of many things and knew I WAS NOT THE ONLY PERSON HURT; so I started to help others same way I have been helped by my friend who always stood "close" and willing to help me DURING YEARS.
On the Internet I knew whom I was, more better than interacting personally with the people I knew, because we often tend to be so superficial.
On line I met a couple of persons I got too involved: For love, for infatuation; but I lacked those experiences, because I was more mundane and my life started to change by 1994, when I was married and interacting with Christlike people I NEVER KNEW personally, up to the day Jesus helped me see and interact with them.
Regarding my being grinchy or grumpy, I don't try to hide or lie. Today, in the morning, a man came to visit my mother and give her his greeting for a new year (a thing I don't see as many). I approached him to say hello and, after few minutes, I couldn't stop myself from telling him my opinion on the several times I have seen him talking to drug consumers, rejected people who live in the streets, homeless, because he is able to feel sympathy and dislikes injustice, and we shared a couple of things I never heard before (those I recommended him to write). He is not Christian, but have lived with those he named "Christian". He wants to know the meaning of life (many things) but he is the type of honest person that will tell you, openly: "I am homosexual and got AIDS". I like that honesty of him. I think he is brave, a man, because he doesn't lie like the average people I have known and, today, GOD gave me the chance to preach on him (a little).
I'm telling you this personal thing because it happened today (Jan 1st, 2014). I'm telling you I admire people like him and, of course, he knows I won't touch him by hugging or shaking my hands with him (I told him that and behaved that way I said) but he left my mother's home so HAPPY, hugging her the first time (in years), feeling he wasn't rejected for the person he is and he understood why I could be far from his arms, because I try to give no chance to mistakes.
On the internet I learned to know me deeply or, if this wasn't like that, my emotional mind was shaped because of the personal or emotional intercourse I got with people online reading my stuff, poetry, blogs or whatever rubbish thin I wrote. I kept files of those things I considered important and, being in the process of being divorced, feeling myself despised, etc., I knew I was guilty of many things and knew I WAS NOT THE ONLY PERSON HURT; so I started to help others same way I have been helped by my friend who always stood "close" and willing to help me DURING YEARS.
On the Internet I knew whom I was, more better than interacting personally with the people I knew, because we often tend to be so superficial.
On line I met a couple of persons I got too involved: For love, for infatuation; but I lacked those experiences, because I was more mundane and my life started to change by 1994, when I was married and interacting with Christlike people I NEVER KNEW personally, up to the day Jesus helped me see and interact with them.
Regarding my being grinchy or grumpy, I don't try to hide or lie. Today, in the morning, a man came to visit my mother and give her his greeting for a new year (a thing I don't see as many). I approached him to say hello and, after few minutes, I couldn't stop myself from telling him my opinion on the several times I have seen him talking to drug consumers, rejected people who live in the streets, homeless, because he is able to feel sympathy and dislikes injustice, and we shared a couple of things I never heard before (those I recommended him to write). He is not Christian, but have lived with those he named "Christian". He wants to know the meaning of life (many things) but he is the type of honest person that will tell you, openly: "I am homosexual and got AIDS". I like that honesty of him. I think he is brave, a man, because he doesn't lie like the average people I have known and, today, GOD gave me the chance to preach on him (a little).
I'm telling you this personal thing because it happened today (Jan 1st, 2014). I'm telling you I admire people like him and, of course, he knows I won't touch him by hugging or shaking my hands with him (I told him that and behaved that way I said) but he left my mother's home so HAPPY, hugging her the first time (in years), feeling he wasn't rejected for the person he is and he understood why I could be far from his arms, because I try to give no chance to mistakes.
In fact, I told my mother: "Hey! This is the first time you are being hugged by REAL MAN, mother... Lucky you, mom!" and we laughed for a while.
That MAN was happy and told us things I wish I could blog, but I insisted on him to write down his story because, as I said to him: "If I had a record of you talking, if I had the mic in front of you, you will not tell all those things so freely. But LIFE deserves knowing you the way you are, they deserve to know what things you have done in life. I don't care you like men, except you liked me, because I don't like you" (He laughed at this).
Well! I'd better stop this.
Well! I'd better stop this.
People are what they are. I prefer to be me, rather than pretending to be another.
I don't care if I am misunderstood, the problem is not mine, but those who never asked, those who are superficial, those who are the way I don't like (and no one needs me, by the way).
I'm happy, to certain degree.
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